Journey of Life.

Chapter 2.

Being alone in the classroom, and waiting for it to fill up is quite creepy. At least it gives me the opportunity to write. Again. I need to note how I feel being in absolute silence. My intention is to make me understand if it's what I want one day. I write down all the emotions in this one sentence: A bird waiting for the rain to stop in order to fly again.

Now I understand why nobody wants to be alone. Silence is a trap. Its aim is waiting someone to set us free. In the meantime it arrives, we enjoy our space. But, all of a sudden we realize how weak we are when we are alone. So it's natural for us to share what we do. We only want to be sure, that we have someone who is capable to free us from the obstacles of life. Therefore I recommend myself, Iris: do not shut yourself in your circle. Leave the door open for things to come. You won't be alone...

"What are you writing?" Someone asks by making me jump by surprise.

"Nothing." I reply closing my diary.

"Do you know who you're going to the prom with?" She pauses. "Two guys asked me, but I have no idea which one I should choose."

I don't pay attention to her. It's just a waste of time. I know Nikki too well. She often brags about how many guys are interested in her. Which I honestly don't care. And when it comes to choosing, she freaks out. She always seeks others' opinions, ending up by doing her own way. In addition, if the guy doesn't satisfy her, she blames others, speculating what went wrong is due to their jealousy.

So yeah, I have a group of friends that talk only about fashion, boys and so on. I'm listening to how excited they are to discover college life. Basically their goal is to have fun and live, finally away from their parents. Instead, I feel a little nostalgic. On the one hand, it is obvious that I want to start my independence. On the other, being at home makes me feel safe. The idea of ​​living with other people means, I won't be able to be myself. In the sense that I have to adapt, if I want to maintain good relationships.

"A whale is coming to destroy the cafeteria!" Someone screams.

I turn around and see some random kids picking a girl, and making fun of her. Probably for her weight and shortness. 

"That's so gross!" Nikki joins too.

"Look at those fatty legs, or that belly. Ugh, it's a nightmare!" Kelly says after her.

They both used those words to ward off her.  She was settling down at our table. As much as I try, I can't react. I feel that is not my business, so it's not my problem. Yet, watching that girl eating alone makes me realize how weak I am. Unlike me, despite people's criticisms, she always presents herself as herself. In fact, I'm ashamed of this. But at same time, I don't want to be a loser and get slapped by people. So it is essential for me to follow the crowd.

Only back home I can take off the mask. My parents are not often present and this allows me to do what I want. I immediately start doing my homework, so I will have time to read. Imagining myself with a good book spurs me on to study quickly. Besides being very good at school, I can even decide to skip homework. But being also a good student, I never set duty aside. Especially I don't want to disappoint my parents. I know how many sacrifices they make to support my education. So I will always do my best whatever happens.

As soon as I read Pride and Prejudice, it drives away those thoughts. I slowly enter that world, where true love surpasses any convention. I really love the protagonist named Elizabeth. She is not vulnerable to men. She shows that she doesn't need someone to be happy. She is different. In particular at that time, when women needed to find a husband if they wanted to live a comfortable life.

The problem is that very often they lived without knowing the meaning of true love. Compared to them, she could find it through her stubborn character, falling in love with Mr. Darcy. Although both belonged to a different class, their feelings manifested as they started to get to know each other. So my theory is, can a love like that still exist? The solution to my question derives from the author of the book, which says:

'It is not what we say or think that defines us but what we do.'

I agree with her. I mean people very often expect others to prove what they are worth, just by using facts- basing them to identify their personality. But on the other hand, there are cases in which people use their thoughts to formulate their identity.  Because facts are not enough sometimes. Indeed, my philosophy follows the concept that words or thoughts are stronger than facts.

For example, I had a friend which I shared every moment of my childhood. I was sure she loved me. She always showed it. But I knew, one day it would never be like that. I understood when, for a small and stupid reason, she started throwing away what she thought about me. Those words still hurt me. They were the ruin of our friendship.

However, it is true that there are cases where words and deeds come together, thus creating harmony. So much, that happens that we wonder if all this is regularly fine. Consequently feeling the confusion takes over us, or those where without reason, with the passing of time, both vanish leaving you with the doubt whether everything was worth it or not.