Journey of Life.

Chapter 107.

Spending time with my parents, helping me to arrange the necessary in the big boxes, I have the presentiment that the new journey is getting closer and closer- I wonder what it will be mainly, besides life away from this house. Especially from this room. Seeing it almost empty puts a little nostalgia. At first it will be difficult to find my way, but after a few days, I'm sure I'll get used to it. But it is important to capture these small seconds, minutes and hours of each moment.

Laughing as I control my cell phone, checking the photos I took, and that dad took when mom was moved to see that I was clearing the clothes from the closet. I think that my gesture reminded her of those times when she changed clothes and sizes at every stage of my growth. To then freeze when my eyes stare at the photo of me and Nikki, of that morning when we went to our secret place for the first time.

In fact, after lunch, I find myself here staring at her swing which, thanks to the wind, moves as if there was really someone with me. And with a nice smile, I enjoy pushing myself, leaving my hand hanging in the air, trying to reach for her hand as Peter Pan does with Wendy, when he takes her into his world. Holding the vision to the clear sky, I imagine Nikki's face watching me, and looking down, I remember when she convinced me to dance taking the opportunity of the sunset to make the video appear, a place far from reality, filling it with the colors of the good life.

"I have known her for many years and practically had a relationship that was not always nice. Because the suffering she had as a child had somehow marked her by leading her to see the world with the spirit of having to attack before having to be attacked. Then over time I realized why she was like this, that behind her armor there was a wonderful person, full of life and the desire to live. We certainly from now on, that is, those who have known her will feel more alone and we will miss her when in chaos, and in moments of joy we will miss her presence. And we will be attacked by the silence that will instead surround us. Nikki has left us and that will leave forever a great void. But I want to end this with a positive aspect, because she never wanted to see only tears. And if she was here, maybe she is, she wouldn't appreciate my way of talking about her. So I say, paragraphing Saint Augustine, Lord, we are not sad that you took her away but we are happy that you gave her to us."

After my speech, I turn around and as Nikki's coffin comes down, I throw a white lily wrapped in my daisy bracelet. And holding hers of roses on my wrist tightly, I close my eyes whispering I love you. Having said that, I start with my parents, trying not to observe my best friend's, who after all that happened, dared show up at her funeral. And from how her mother sobbed crying desperately, leaning her head on her husband's shoulder, I can understand that both of them have fallen under various and enormous remorse- which unfortunately I'm not even wasting time looking into. But one thing is certain that they are both petrified, making me feel their sense of guilt that's slowly crushing them.

And once the priest has finished speaking the last words, everyone goes to their car. Then to Harrison's house who, being huge, have set up the vigil in memory of Nikki, where there will be a large room with her smiley photograph. And tables laden with food and drink, where all the friends who have known her will meet to remember her, talking about her as if she were still alive, enhancing her true human qualities and therefore both beautiful moments and things to laugh about.

So, getting into the car with mom and dad, and without us communicating, we enjoy the air which is rather fresh. And moving towards the main road, I can glimpse James from the distance who is the last one left, I think he is making his speech privately as usual. But when he looks up, heading towards his vehicle, I have already passed the corner that it is impossible for me to examine his expressions. So putting my head on the seat, pointing it towards the window, I close my eyes. To immediately open them as I am in the destination. Time has flown quickly, maybe sleeping makes everything go fast, or is it just my perception?