Journey of Life.

Chapter 65.

Writing down every detail in the diary was quite challenging. So many things happened last night. I experienced so many emotions, so in the end, I was unable to sleep. In fact I did not sleep at all, my mind wandered in James' world, including his past. I can't get it out of my head. Behind that boy so cold and distant hides a weakness, which I will never understand. Not knowing news about the mother, and being in the orphanage must have been really difficult. For this reason, I think he suffered a lot from loneliness, and therefore, growing up he developed it into abandonment syndrome.

Now that I know his past, I am able to understand his behavior. Especially his reasons behind or at least I think. Indeed I was right. I'm reading an article about that syndrome. It says it effects those who are abandoned as children. So an age in which there is no ability to rationalize the reason why the person has moved away. So in order not to suffer, and return to that event, James would rather give up what he loves. He has the trauma that, if he begins to love and enjoy what life gives him, all this will disappear for no reason- as his mother did, when she left him in the orphanage.

I just hope one day, he will understand, he has many people who would do anything to see him happy. Above all, the past has passed. But as I said, certain experiences and certain moments in life are impossible to erase.

"How difficult we are..." I whisper closing the diary. "I already assume that being a psychologist will be a long way for me. I don't think I will be able to understand a person deeply." I puff.

Also today, the weather doesn't seem to help me be active. It is gloomy, the clouds indicate that it will rain. I don't know, but the more I see outside the more I turn off too. I have a feeling that something bad will happen. My heart is beating fast, and my stomach is blocked. Maybe because I don't stop staring at my cell phone, no messages from Nikki. Also today I sent her another quote:

'I am more beautiful when I smile. Because my eyes light up, enough to make the sky shine. Even the night's deepest darkness.'- Nikki.

P.s. Smile with me! I hope you're fine. Um, I miss you...text me soon!

"Why don't you answer me?" I wonder in silence. Then after a deep breath, I call her. I touch my forehead, walking around the room. I don't want to keep watching the bad weather, I'm getting sad. In fact, as usual, there is the voicemail.

"Hi Nikki-" I pause, trying to lighten the words well. "I wrote to you, and nothing, I'd like to hear from you, or at least get a little message, even an okay is fine."

I conclude by saying "...I miss you, I hope you are well. See you soon my friend."

I hang up, and throw the phone on the bed. I touch my forehead, and involuntarily I go to the window. I am biting my lip, I am so nervous. In a sense, I'm happy because things are going well with James. But with Nikki, and our matter is really suffocating me. And this all happened because of that sentence, I feel so guilty. I hurt her sensitivity, so something really delicate. Thus she has every reason to be angry...but it's not even fair she doesn't answer me. Unfortunately, the moment I want to continue, someone knocks on the door. I really don't want to go and open, not even to say a word. I am too busy thinking, so after three attempts, that figure enters.

I turn around and frame my mother. She has a tired face, and kind of embarrassed to see me again. "Hi honey."

Her tone is concerned. She sits on the bed, and looks around. "How many memories we had in this room." She smiles, without stopping to examine every detail.

Obviously I'm in no mood. Also because I'm still angry at her. "By now I've grown up, aren't you happy? Because instead, I remember the many times you waited for this moment."