Journey of Life.

Chapter 44.

And that's how they finished mistreating me, leaving me alone in that corner of the school. I got up in pain, but failed. So I fell to the ground again. I cried desperately, closing my arms around me. My lucky is that I don't have parents in the way during the day. In fact when I came home, relieved of their absence, I immediately ran to take a shower. So that I couldn't appear bad. Also as an end to this chapter, I decided to hide that event- both from my parents and Alice. I understood what they wanted, was to see the weak collapse on the ground, with the aim of making them pitiful. Even Nikki said it to convince them to stop. I mean if I talked to everyone, they certainly would never have given up on anger, so at the first opportunity they let it off steam. Consequently to close the matter with Nikki and Kelly forever, I tried to forget that very bad event.

"It is not worth it. Also because tomorrow I will finish my high school years. So this will be just one of many memories ready to be forgotten." I sigh writing, and looking at the wonder of the rain. "Or at least I hope so..."

That's how I got the inspiration to write my diploma speech.

"I'm very sorry for what I did to you iris." Nikki says by diverting myself from my flashbacks. "You have every reason you don't want to accept my apology. But I came here to let you know that I'm conscious about my mistakes...and I'm willing to change and be a better person."

'People who are truly good can also accept the mistakes of others. Even those of one's enemies. We are not perfect, each of us carries a story and an additional weight.'

Now I recall what my grandfather told me. It was that time when he narrated about his youth phase, and how he finally could embrace others' blunders. Especially those of his father. He had never supported him, in his passion for the piano. Until he realized that what he wanted was just to make sure his son had a safe, stable life without fear that something could go wrong. He was afraid to see him fail one day, only with the illusion of following a dream. "Everything happens for a reason, so do our actions."

"See my little Iris. People can change." He picked me up and made me play some keys. "You have to consider this thought as these notes. They always start with a fierce and deep pitch." He explained pressing the bad, loud sound.

"As long as you go on, hoping to find some other resonance, you'll be amazed that sounds can change as well." At that point, I pressed the last button- this time a high-pitched sound. "And that's how people work. The solution is to give them a reason to make them change, which is that the best of them still has to come."

Seeing Nikki looking at me waiting for my answer, I hint, "As they say, past is past. So don't worry."

I get up from the bed. "You must know though that eyes never lie."

She wipes her tears. "How did you find out? I would like to ask you many questions, but the problem is that I don't know how to formulate them."

I respond, "The truth is that, when you're in confusion, and struggling with yourself, it happens that you can't always hide yourself."

Suddenly she gazes at me surprised and shocked. "Don't tell me that you-"

I don't let her finish, because I immediately nod, and consequently she keeps her eyes down. Who knows, probably to remember what I had heard. Obviously discovering for what she really was shocked me. On that day of her birthday, when I went to the bathroom, I heard voices in another room. It was Nikki whom was talking to someone. Going in that direction, and leaning against the door she was in company with a girl.

"I promise you, that, I will love when the right time comes." She said and what I heard was silence. Perhaps that phrase didn't seem to please her friend.

Only after a few seconds, she replied "There is no right time to love. It's all about what heart feels and wants." She explained, "It's an involuntary feeling, so it's impossible to control it. Because it's neither a choice nor a destiny, but simply just a human need."

Nikki responded "I know...but we cannot expose ourselves. It's not the right time for us." As she finished to formulate that thought, her friend started to cry. I think both of them...

"So, I still have to see you going back and forth with the guys? Because if so, you will hurt me more and more. And I don't want to suffer at all, when in reality you are only deluding me."

"It's not like that Katie. I want to be with you, and I like you but-" Nikki exclaimed but was interrupted.

"But what? Don't you want to risk it for me, for us? Oh, forget it. It is useless to ask, because from what I see, you don't really love me enough to take risks..." She ended up crying.

I think Nikki was trying to calm her down by trying to kiss her, but Katie refused by going out instead, leaving her alone in the room. And that's how I discovered the real Nikki. I still remember every single word now. Her reason why she always looking for boys was just an excuse. She was afraid of being, perhaps, judged by people. Yet she finally realized that by continuing that way, she had only created a fake world. She tried to get out of it, only she couldn't. Consequently it takes time. But we have to remind ourselves that:

'It's not important where the train goes, but it counts to decide to take it!'

So don't hold back, let yourself go. Take a decision, and whatever its consequence, you have the right to be who you are. I know it's difficult when nobody notices it. "But what matters is that you know how to help yourself, and to do so, you have to explore life, with the taste of the freedom of what you can be."

To that answer of mine, Nikki embraces me.

...I never thought it was possible that a person I always hated could one day be my friend.

"Thanks for your understanding Iris. That means a lot to me."

I cannot resist, so I hug her too. "I'm glad you comprehended, that there is no point in hiding."