Journey of Life.

Chapter 57.

Strangely on the way home, Nikki doesn't say anything. Maybe we both don't know what to say, I think everyone is traveling in their thoughts. Her face is serious enough, almost to make her look angry, or rather disappointed for something. Her eyes does nothing but point to the road, and to the people who cross the street- as if she wanted to have an excuse, for not paying attention to me. All this makes an embarrassing atmosphere. Normally I always have some topic to talk about, but now my only goal is to go home. So despite wanting to converse, my mind has no energy to work. So I just look at the view from the window, and obviously without any thoughts.

Until halfway, I frame a couple fighting. He desperately tries to get her back, I understand it from how he tries to take her hand. Instead she tries to get away from him. Plus it seems that she doesn't want to waste her time with him anymore. Suddenly as soon as he says, I love you, without hesitation she turns towards him. I don't know why, but that word is really powerful. Observing them finally moved, and clarifying their problems, make me remember my him. Especially when they kiss, it rekindles in me James' lips. Thus directly our first kiss.

I don't know why. But the more I say, you should stay away from me, the more I feel lost in you. James' words enter my mind, hoping that I will return to travel in his world. I don't know what to do, I don't think I'm ready to stay away from him- it's stronger than me. I'm so fucking confused, so much that my head is exploding. I sense headache is getting worse. So I lean on the seat, puffing and trying to close my eyes. Seeing me in that state, Nikki starts to utter something. 

"I really don't get you Iris." She affirms with a worried tone, and at the same time perplexed. "First you tell me to be confused, then what do you do as soon as you see him? I catch you being in his arms, kissing him!"

As she finishes, I open slowly my eyes. "What are you saying? What have you seen is not what you think."

"Don't tell me lies. I saw how you looked at him Iris! You were completely hypnotized." She informs gesturing as usual with hands. "That guy is really making fun of you."

"I'm sorry to say it, but you watched the scene at the wrong time." Obviously I'm furious, so without doing it on purpose, I use an angry tone.

"YOU LOVE HIM?! Because if so, you're making a big mistake." She hints, leaving me speechless. I don't know what to answer. Consequently, observing me not open mouth, she finds the solution to her question.

In fact, she touches her hair, putting hands on her face. After taking big breaths, she assures by saying "I want you to understand, you are free to love whoever you want, but seeing you this way, for a guy, I'm not cool with it."

I dare not retort anything. I just stare at my hands. "I mean, why James?! You know practically nothing about him."

I answer, "It's not like that at all, otherwise I wouldn't...I wouldn't-"

Nikki's eyes are examining me, I sense her anger, obviously meant as, I'm worried about you. "It's not love what you feel! It's all the result of his manipulation. He's literally making fun of your feelings. He's going to break your heart, Iris."

Having said that, she gets out of the car, while I don't stop thinking about her words. They reassures me, showing that she really cares about me. But at the same time, she doesn't help me. In a sense, all this is giving me headache, as well as being in total confusion. This time it's not about me, or about myself. This aims what my heart wants. The problem is what does it desire?

One thing is for sure, I'm not ready to move away from him. In fact staying a while in the car, I look at my cell phone. And as usual, I end up in James' contact. To finally also on his Instagram profile. It is the second time that I check it. So looking carefully at his photos, despite not having much, they are almost all very aesthetic. Indeed he is good at photographing, especially at capturing good moments. Who knows why they are all in black and white. The first thing that catches me, is one which shows a child smiling. He is with his grandfather, in his arms, playing to explode the soap bubbles. So it is clear that he is somebody, who does not like showing his face at all. Plus I notice he doesn't put any description, as if he doesn't know what to think or write. Except when I review the last post he recently published.