Journey of Life.

Chapter 101.

Suddenly I get up and for the first time my phone has done its job. But this time the alarm volume was quite high, so I find myself on the bed half confused. And as if that wasn't enough, also with an incredible headache. So in order not to make it worse, I don't hesitate to turn it off. Once all this is done, I get back under the blankets and then place another pillow on my face. The sunlight is coming in, ready to give me a warm welcome to another new day. Obviously it is not helping me, because today the only thing I need is to stay in my room.

I barely slept because apparently my annoying neighbor started making noise again, celebrating and playing music aloud. So now that there is a great silence, a sound that I am currently enjoying, it is inviting me to-

GOOD, I will not start this day well. Reluctantly I get up and sit on the edge of the bed, and before answering the call, I look down. I touch my hair yawning, I am really destroyed. So after a few minutes, without thinking anything else, I answer the phone. I touch my forehead, as if it were a way to stop this headache, to immediately return to lie down on my beautiful and warm bed. It was Jamie who informed me that the Harrison family have gone riding so I will have the morning off.

What a relief, I can rest.

...And here I am, opening my eyes again, letting a tear fall. Hurriedly I wipe it, sighing as I try to restore sleep. I repeat to my mind that I deserve it. But it is impossible, I understand it from how I am undecided which position to put myself. All I do is move until the phone is turned on again. Its brightness is blinding me so the moment I take it, I unconsciously drop it as I read a message from...from James. I suddenly find myself sitting. I don't understand why I tremble at visualizing him, perhaps because the first thing my eyes focus on is his face behind Nancy and Daniel, committed to converse with someone while holding his horse. Despite being in profile, his manner and style...he is exactly as I saw him the first time. That cursed semi-open linen shirt makes him like a prince, in a world that...I am no longer allowed to visit.

I'm not a part of it anymore.

"Why are you doing this to me James?" I whisper zooming in on the photo, thus excluding the faces of his siblings. "You're such an asshole."

I sob, closing my eyes. I'm so tired of crying for him. Turning off the phone, I lock myself in my arms whispering "You're terribly...horribly a piece of shit. I hate you, I hate you...I-"

The more I keep saying that word, the more my mind utters an I love you with so much hate, and so much..."FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!" I scream, wiping away my tears. "You are nothing more than a hypocrite who thinks only of himself."

I speak slowly falling on my bed, I am so furious and sad, that covering myself with the blanket is no longer necessary. The only support is my own hugs, trying in every way to make myself strong. Especially to pick up the pieces of my heart, ruined as usual, by a jerk who doesn't know how to love despite promising me that...that he would never leave me and that he would never let anyone hurt me. The problem is that most of the time he is the one doing it. That's why he is a hypocrite. Indeed he is in everything. Yesterday he mentioned that it is not justifiable for someone to use a person just because they have problems, when that's all he's been doing. Using his past as a shield to pull me away.

So consequently with that excuse, he also has the right to have fun with maybe who knows how many other girls. Our whole journey for him was like a bubble, easy to erase...completely eliminating even that invisible goal that would have led it to wonderful experiences, unfortunately that was removed, not by fate but by choice. Something that made him aware of the consequences and yet he still chose to destroy it leaving me as always, alone in the middle of nowhere, waiting for something to change. Because it doesn't make sense that it all ends this way. After everything we've been through together, we've almost always managed to find each other.