Journey of Life.

Chapter 6.

When I get home I immediately carry out my homework. But strangely today I feel exhausted. So before I study, I'm going to shower. At least to refresh my ideas. By dint of thinking I instantly lose energy and when it happens, I usually fall asleep but when I touch the bed, I can no longer sleep. My mind likes to play with my insecurities, or make me remember bad moments of my life. Which I am not going to mention. Only in my diary I hide my deepest thoughts, and in doing so, I also close myself slowly away from the world.

But by living that way, I may end up being alone. This is why I have to pretend, and I must not lose my mask.

As soon as I get out of the shower, I directly go in my room. The towel I am wearing is light enough, so I feel a bit cold. And as I drop it on the bed, I turn around. I stop and look at myself in the mirror. I stare at an unknown girl.

Who are you? I touch my legs, they are too skinny. And ugh, this belly. I gained too much weight, I don't like myself at all. I would like to cut these arms, they are too big. I really suck. I would love to be like others, or rather like Nikki. She is perfect, and beautifully proportioned. She is also quite tall, therefore her height makes her skinnier. Compared to her, I am nothing. I hate this reflection, I hate that one's staring at me. It's not me, it can't be me. Right?

"Get away from me!" I scream throwing the brush against the glass.

I cry a bit without gazing at myself and after a few seconds, I get up sighing.

"From now on, I won't look at myself anymore." I say as I carry the mirror in the closet. It would have served me nothing, I would only hurt myself even more.

After that, although I don't feel like it, I take my books and start studying. The moment I open my history notebook, I remember that tomorrow will be Nikki's birthday, and I still haven't thought about the present. I have no clue what she wants. I mean, now that I think about it, for all these years I have never understood what she really wanted. As I know her, she is always doubtful of what she desires. Especially when it comes to choosing guys, even which lipstick to pick. She has always varied her tastes. Right, I forgot I'm not good at gift giving so. Oh, well I think a bracelet will be fine.

Besides, I don't like asking my parents to give me money for such a foolish reason. They don't even know I hang out with Nikki. I think they don't even want it. At school she is often suspended for her behavior, or known as the worst student. Not only because of her grades, but also how she mistreats other students. Many times they caught her bullying people, like that day she sealed someone in its locker.

And although I was present, I did not have the courage, as usual to react. I honestly I can't allow myself to have that position too. I know how it feels to be weak like them. In middle school, some of my classmates enjoyed tormenting me because I guess I was smarter than them. So very often they would ask me to do their homework if I wanted to be left alone. But they actually never followed that pact. Whenever they had the opportunity, they would for example pull my hair or very often in the cafeteria they would bump into me and would drop food on my clothes.

"Oops, our bad, we didn't see you coming this way." Jake said, the main bully and the one who often had fun aiming me.

"Right, she's so invisible that nobody notices her presence." Someone added while laughing. "She's even ugly, I don't know which one is worse."

"Such a loser!" Another joined too.

I remember crying a lot on that day.

I once tried to rebel, but one started throwing away bad words. Especially having been a little chubby as a child, they made fun of me calling and yelling at the hallway, pig, or that time while I was waiting for my father to pick me up, some of my classmates suddenly grabbed my backpack. They opened it. Besides dropping my books and my diary on the ground, they took my sketchbook.

They tore apart a page in which I drew myself during the recess. I was imagining myself as a mermaid, so that I could get away from reality and enter my fantasy world. That sketch caught their attention and they started to wave it in the air, while I tried to catch it.

"Give it back to me, Jake!" I screamed with all my might.

"Look guys! She portrayed herself with big boobs. What a pervert!" He pushed me so he could show it to his friends. Everyone laughed. Some pointing at me or others making stupid faces, trying to imitate mine.

As they noticed my father's car, they dropped the drawing into the puddle. When I went up in the car, he asked me what had happened. He had seen me collect the notebooks. Obviously being small, and more confident with my parents I told them everything. The next day those kids were suspended. But later on, they took revenge.

They aimed my diary at exact moment I finished writing my crush on Will. They snatched it from my hand, reading it to the whole class. Especially in front of him. Everyone chuckled. I had written the story of myself as a princess and he as my prince, who fought to be together. I based it on a book, that of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. But being all ignorant, they made fun of me while I tried to take it back.

I couldn't because they were throwing it to each other until it ended up in Will's hands. He didn't dare open it, instead he handed it to me. And like an idiot I fell for it. In fact, as soon as I reached out my hands, he threw it out the window.