Journey of Life.

Chapter 28.

So before returning to my reality again, I'd like to put flowers in my grandmother's favorite vase. While I walk in the middle of nature, I feel caressed by the wind. It pushes me in a direction towards tall grasses. They move from left to right, creating that melody of nature. Everything makes me understand the lightness of these plants. Consequently they invite me to dance with them. I get carried away by their movements. I dance without thoughts in my head. I feel so light. That's how my simplicity is highlighted. It doesn't take me much to be happy. Little things are the best. The air combs my hair. The sun kissing me makes me feel loved. I understand that the only person who can make me happy is me. Far from the noise, far from the crowd, far from the city, far from the usual eyes, and finally free.

And when I find myself in front of a river, I feel like taking a swim. To enjoy the atmosphere I decide to take the radio. And with the indie music in the background, I dive into the water. It's so fresh and relaxing. My wet hair seems to be long enough to hide my breasts. The sensation of the freshness of the water gives me great chills, it's kissing my neck. I close my eyes to leave myself in the pleasure, I feel really good. Swimming completely naked, where the transparency of the water highlights my body, is an amazing experience and quite another thing.

I have never felt so curious about how I can feel good, even with every simple touch. I keep my arms outstretched while my legs touch each other, imagining what this would be like physically with someone. I feel like wanting to leave myself in those thoughts, and enjoy my own body.

I sigh.

I think I'm going crazy. If I could I would stay like this forever. Unfortunately I perceive someone's small steps on the pier, ruining this moment of peace. My heart goes crazy, beating a thousand as I see that guy. It's James whom stares at me, in the same way he did on that day.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I reproach to leave me alone.

But he doesn't listen to me, on the contrary I see him wanting to change. "What is the water like? From what I have seen, it seems to me quite enjoyable."

"How long have you been watching me James?" I scold imitating his cold tone but I fail. Seeing him wants to swim, I decide to get out of the water. But I can't, because I remember being naked.

"My time is precious, so I prefer not to waste it on you. So make yourself useful, leave!" I shout.

"Listen Iris." He turns to find my dress. "There is a reason if I said that bullshit on live."

"I don't do anything with your apologies." I answer. "So if you go, you do me a great favor."

"Let me talk for two minutes. After that, I promise I'll leave." He says sighing deeply.

I don't reply, but I motion to him to turn around. I don't want him to see my bared body. So I hurry to reach the pier. The drops that fall from my hair remind me of the beautiful sensation experienced in the water, and the air that embraces me now does the same. Especially as soon as my gaze crosses James' shoulders. His cotton shirt is light enough to expose those hidden muscles of his. His physique is distracting me, I remain to admire them.

I wake up the moment he hands me the dress. I go over to take it, and touching that hand makes me rekindle that day together. Obviously being still soaked, the soft fabric dress highlights my shapes, especially my breasts. That's why he decides to cover me with his jacket.

Done that, here we are, staring at each other intensely.

The moment he sets his eyes on my lips, I clear my throat and say, "Here, I don't need it."

I give him back his jacket. "Have a nice day, James."

But he takes my hand. My heart beats fast and my eyes widen. I'm trembling, I don't want to turn around. I don't want to delude myself again for a gesture.

"You better leave me James." I say trying to free myself from him. "I mean it."

"The truth is that I'm afraid Iris." He replies holding my hand even tighter. "How can I be someone else when I am who I am?"

"Would you give up what you want, just to follow peoples' opinion?" I respond turning around. "Because if so, how do you expect to be happy?"

I approach him.

"It's easy for you." He lets go my hand. "You have no anxiety or pressure to be in the center of people's eyes."

He shakes his head and putting a cigarette in his mouth, he adds, "It's as if I was hanging by a thread, unable to touch the hope of being someone else. It's my own identity that suffocates me, you understand?"

"So you have the excuse to hurt me, is that what you're saying?" I respond with a dry tone. "Ah sure, because I don't count if it's not about those girls you hang out with."

"Did you want me to mention your name, telling every single detail of that day?" He asks throwing the smoke. "You should thank me for what I did, even if it hurt you."

"You could at least say something nice, making up something even stupid, instead of just saying nothing special." I reply back.

"Even if I did, they wouldn't stop bombarding me with questions." He replies to then add, "You don't know how things can go, If I say something weird they would make it a big deal, and-"

"If I was someone like Corinne, you would probably have said otherwise." I respond showing well my insecurity. "But I'm not, so, I was an easy target. Am I right?"

I comprehend he didn't come to apologize for me, but for himself. How selfish people are. Especially if it has to do with your feelings. Maybe he also noticed that I never dealt with guys, therefore with tricks he was able to deceive me.
I don't hesitate to leave him alone to reflect his mistake. He looks surprised, he expected me to forgive him but sike!