Journey of Life.

Chapter 27.

I feel the world collapsing on me. I feel my body tremble while my heart tightens more and more. Consequently my father, seeing me like that decides to change the channel. But as soon as he takes the remote control, the interviewer shows James a clip.

"James, some of your fans recognized you dancing with a girl last night. I mean social media does nothing but talk about this mysterious girl-" James interrupts the interviewer.

I can't take my eyes off that video of us dancing in the rain. Fortunately the place not having much light, does not show my face well. I'm relieved, I can't imagine seeing myself on TV.

"If you're asking me about her, I can only say that it was nothing special, but just like any other evenings." He says coldly. "Don't worry guys, it's nothing important."

His face are emotionless. Enough to freeze my heart and that beautiful night together, erased from those words. What hurts me the most is that he looks fine and not touched at all.

"Suppose this girl is watching this channel, what would you say to her?"

Corinne can't control herself. She keeps staring at him as if she were anxiously waiting for an answer.

"Like not to fool herself that something may happen?" Both girls laugh.

I suddenly get up and head to my room. I close the door and lean against it. I slowly sit on the floor and I don't hesitate to close myself in my arms. I feel ridiculous, and put aside.

"Maybe I'm only overreacting, he was probably joking, right?" I whisper as I finish venting on my diary.

I mean, is it normal to treat me that way despite that wonderful day?

"You want to talk about it, Iris?" My mom asks stroking my leg. I don't answer her. I limit myself playing with the pen.

"Do you remember when I told you I dropped out of college? Well believe it or not, it happened because of a guy." She sighs trying to tell me her story but I don't follow her.

I only look up when I hear her crying.

"I hope you don't make my same mistake." I hug her tightly. "All I want is your happiness. And if something hurts you, promise me to let it go, okay?"

I don't answer immediately, I am still shocked. I feel bad for my mom, at the same time as she has had to keep it hidden for years, even from dad.

"I will mom." I stroke her hair. "I want you to know that you're not alone. Like you often say, it's not worth to go back to the past."

"That's right." After a big sigh, she adds, "So please don't be sad because of him, focus on yourself, always and if people want to stick up with you, they eventually will. But don't beg anyone to do so, otherwise you give them the freedom to do whatever they want with you."

"Thanks mom." I say watching her walking away from my room.

Now I understand...

Everyone hides something, everyone has secrets, therefore adults too. Often my mother does not show them, so as not to appear weak and vulnerable. The truth is that everyone has fears and weakness that we cannot see. Today I discovered a different side of mom. Especially how she was in the past. After the first boy's disappointment, she began to have insecurities and lose confidence. Basically she was just like me, an excellent student, with few friends and a book lover. She always thought that if she continued that way, no boy would chase after her, so she decided to change herself. That's how she met Luke. He always treated her well and always made her feel special, the problem was, he was the classic bad boy who enjoyed causing problems.

And because he didn't go to college, mom, in order to spend more time with him, started skipping classes multiple times, even when it came to exam periods.

"I have an idea Isabela." Luke said to her. "Why don't you leave school? Fuck all that, what you say? So that, me and you can go somewhere to have fun for a while."

That proposal filled mom's heart with happiness- she accepted.

It was the day she ran away from home, because her parents had yelled at her. They had discovered that she hadn't been to university for months, so the school had to call to find out the reason behind. She told me that on that occasion, they threw away bad words to her. And that was why she decided to run away from home, and to follow him. After a few days wandering in nothing, they found themselves in a motel. That same night Luke tried to convince her to have sex. Obviously being in love she did it. Then regretted it when, the next day he left her alone. She tried to call him but he never made himself heard again.

He disappeared.

"I thought he loved me, but he just wanted to take advantage of me to satisfy his urges." It was here that she cried.

"What about grandparents? Did you talk to them about it?" My question turned her a stone.

I believe she never got back in touch with them. Instead, she told me that through her friend, she got the place as a hairdresser, working and living with her friend's aunt far away from them. That's why I never got the chance to meet her parents...

"I loved them, but they never really cared about me." She added, "So I preferred to run away. It wasn't easy, you know. I had to work four different jobs to maintain myself. Until one day I talked to your father about all this, obviously without specifying the topic about Luke. Only thanks to him if I'm here. I owe him a lot. Meeting your father was a miracle, I have never felt so happy and loved."

Writing everything in my diary makes me understand how strong my mother was. She has faced a thousand obstacles, especially that trauma. Eventually it became a motivation to improve her, and change her for the better. In fact I have a brave and stubborn mother. Now it's clear why she's always so tough with me. She wants exclusively the best for me- and to be perfect meant as I am enough for myself.

That's why the following day, being Sunday as the last day in the countryside, I decide to go out and collect the fragrant flowers. I don't deserve to feel bad for people. Also because I remember my grandmother's words well. I have to love myself if I want to be sure I can love others. James was only a test, so his attitude strengthened me. He taught me not to fall at first gesture of a boy.