Journey of Life.

Chapter 51.

I wonder why I can still hear someone playing. That person must necessarily be melancholy. The melody is so sad, and at same time welcoming- I feel safe. Each note is as if they were pampering, creating overall a nest, a place where I can be myself. I wonder where it comes from. Thus without hesitation, I'm going to explore that sound.

"Where I am?" I ask looking around this mysterious world.

All that paints it, is black as if I had fallen into darkness. There's a great silence, and so much serenity as well as fear that, something will go wrong. I just don't know what exactly. Suddenly the more I walk, the more I hear that melody calling me. So I run as fast as I can, I have a feeling that my time is running out. What I am saying? It doesn't make any sense. But why can't I stop? My legs don't want to give up, they want to look for those notes. After a few minutes, I see a light in the distance. It's a magnet, consequently pushing me towards its goal, impossible not to discover that noise. Offhandedly I feel hurt, perhaps due to the new world I'm in now. Now it's all clear, I'm getting out of that obscurity.

"Wait..." I stop for a moment. Overall reminds me being inside a lamp. Everything around me is so warm, and bright. But a presence makes me stop observing around. I haven't seen it before, so I approach it with curiosity.

"James, what are you doing here?" I ask worried. I didn't expect him to be here too. "Are you by chance, this melody that has guided me, to be here?" I pronounce those words pretty dully. Why can't I analyze his face?

"Can you stop playing? I want you to turn around and look at me." Every single sentence is like echo. They resound in the void, to immediately return to my lips. As if they were my own answers...

In that instant, the more I speak, the brighter everything becomes. I perceive this nest to disappear. I can't take any more steps. Why? Even if I reach out my hand, I'm unable to touch him. There must be something blocking me. This absence of him, so distant is suffocating me. What's going on? I gaze his presence slowly fades away, to suddenly vanishes from my sight. The only thing I admire is emptiness, and its darkness going in more and more. In the meantime, a gust of wind indicates it's going to rain. I can't stop looking around, maybe for James' figure. As soon as I do it, I see him watching me from afar. I have no clue what expression he has. But the more I analyze him, the more blurred this vision becomes. Just then, everything is in slow motion, even the raindrops. Enough for me, to be able to catch one. I'm shocked as my eyes focus on various James, standing over me.

There are those who appear faraway, or those a bit less close. And one "YOU BETTER RUN FROM ME!" too close- enough to make me startle by surprise. His tone was so scary and aggressively loud, that I had to wake up all of a sudden.

"It was a just a dream." I whisper to myself, standing up. I sigh touching my forehead. I'm relieved to be in my room. "I mean, was it a dream or just a nightmare?"

I get up from bed with difficulty, I have already headache. Great.

With the intent to open my diary, ready to write down what I have just witnessed, I spontaneously check my phone. To end up in James' contact, we haven't seen each other for two days, or haven't heard from each other. I'm not very used to it, especially not to see him, after what happened last time. I am still obsessed with our kiss. Maybe that's why I constantly dream of him. Plus thinking about him every second, my mind imagines that there is more than one James. I only wonder, why he's so afraid of being shown what he really is.

What is blocking him? I think the reason I couldn't touch him, and take other steps is precisely because, it's himself who blocks me. Something prevents him from loving me...I mean, does he feel what I feel? I know that it is useless to write at this hour. I speak nonsense. So I go back to bed, hoping to be able to sleep again. Indeed I can't close eyes, all I do is constantly change position. I give up. I go down to the kitchen in search of some snacks. I don't find anything special, so I take the peanut butter jar, and come back to my room.

Upon entering I can see the clock, it's 4:00 AM. By sighing I touch up the book, and I can still feel James trapped in that quote. Leafing through it, our kiss is rekindled. I am truly lost in his perfume, looks and ways. He's driving me crazy, I can't help it. What did you do to me James? Even by pronouncing his name, my heartbeat accelerates. As I reflect, my cell phone vibrates.

Only a few seconds later I notice it. I sit on the bed, and holding the spoon in my mouth, I read the message. As soon as I read that it's from Nikki, I drop the spoon on the ground, and hurry to leave the house.

When I am in a rush, there is most often a risk that I forget something. Indeed I didn't bring the car keys, so I go back in to look for them. I desperately search for them in the bag, located under the desk, near the shelf of books. So fast that I hit my head on the edge of the table as soon as I find them. I fall to the ground in pain, causing one of the diaries to fall. As a result various photos come out, as well as various letters. Including one for Will. In addition also a photo of him. I take it, analyzing it confused.

Now I remember...

In middle school, I helped the principal's secretary, to make copies for the yearbook. When a double copy of Will happened to me, I decided to keep it. And returning home, I put it in the diary. I didn't take my eyes off that photo. Hence it inspired me to write a letter. Plus hoping to have the courage to give it to him. Unfortunately seeing him, being too much in the crowd, I realized it was not worth it at the end. Especially among the girls who wooed him, I lost the confidence that he could read it. I was alone, and completely forgotten by the school. So he would never go looking for the secret admirer. At first I wanted to throw it away, but then as a reminder of that day, I decided to keep it in the diary. Basically on this, I dedicated it exclusively to him. I was really into Will.

For instance, there were many times that I wanted to talk to him. But for him, I didn't exist, despite attending the same class. I was invisible to his eyes. On the contrary, this did not give me the excuse for not spying on him. Especially when he played basketball, I remember he was really good at it. In order to admire him, I would hid behind a book, so nobody could recognize me. Mainly from cheerleaders, including Jasmine, one of the most beautiful girls in the school. There was a rumor that she and Will had a story, which she always boasted about. Instead, he never spoke or confirmed anything. I mean, I never understood why he was popular. He was one who rarely stood out. He was always on his own. Where his mind was in another world, despite being constantly in company. Despite that, seeing this photo of him, I suddenly sense those feelings of the little me. As if he had always been with me, as if something in him was still with me.

My heart beats in the same rhythm, when I think of Jam-

"Hold up..."

Examining Will's face and comparing it with James', I have noticed, both have a very similar detail- as if my vision sees the same person in them. I believe for their own green eyes, and a similar nose. Indeed Will perfectly illustrates, a James who grew up too quickly. Unfortunately as soon as other theories come to mind, I hear the phone vibrates. So I have to leave all this in suspense.