Journey of Life.

Chapter 93.

"Hi." Arthur's voice makes me smile even though I don't feel like it. "How are you?"

With a tired and uncertain tone, I reply, "Hi. I'm fine. And I hope you too."

"Yeah, I'm okay. I suggest you put on a jacket, they say it will rain heavily later." He says, looking towards the sad sky.

"Okay." I mutter, but without doing any moves.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

The noises of the leaves of the various trees, as well as some voices of people from some houses, are what makes this silence less embarrassing. "Oh, yeah."

And gazing at him, I add, "What are you doing here anyway? I didn't let you know how I was in the end. For this, I apologize."

With a worried face, he says, "Don't worry." And seeing me that I'm forcing myself to smile, he asks "Would you like to go to her together?"

I sigh looking down. "It is kind of you. But I prefer to go there alone, not because I don't want your company-"

I don't finish, I'm surprised to feel a tear falling on my cheek. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"You don't have to apologize." He gives a half-smile to emphasize, "This is for you anyway."

Laughing he nervously adds, "I was about to forget that."

"What is it?" I ask with difficulty, and undecided whether to take it or not.

"Has Jamie not informed you anything?" He asks with a rather confusing face.

I nod no. "I mean, I wrote her that I would be coming to Nancy and Daniel in the afternoon, you know, today it's our last session. But strangely she didn't answer me."

Without hesitation, he responds, "She has been very busy these past four days, there will be a big dinner tonight, so I doubt you will have classes with them too."

He hands me the envelope again. "I'll wait for you in the car, and I'll explain you everything."

I take it with reluctance but without showing it that I am. "Arthur, I told you I wanted to go-"

"Come on, a company will help you set the mood right!" He exclaims, opening his car door. "I'll wait you here, go and get ready."

I don't open mouth, I just go back to my house.

In looking for my phone, I happen to see myself in the mirror. Why am I sad all of a sudden? I have spent these four days at home so fine. But why I sense isn't it enough to make feel better? I can't smile even though I try. My eyes are off. I feel fucking alone. The absence of the two figures is forcing me to trap myself in the past, because I am not making other new memories with them. Both of them are leaving me, so I am forced to take refuge in the old events, so that I can feel their presence close to me. The whole thing is creating a blurry vision to what is in front of me.

All this, is worth it?

These questions also fly as if they were a bubble, which must sooner or later burst and disappear into nothingness. Maybe I'm following that goal too. Maybe I really shouldn't have discovered the truth of Nikki and Iris. Even putting their names in the same paragraph makes the chapter very sad. Maybe, as Jamie says, sometimes it's better not to know the truth. Because now, the past cannot be changed. So Nikki's suffering cannot be changed. I thought knowing that would give a motivation for me to make her future, a new birth to her life- erasing therefore what made her suffer for so long.

Unfortunately I don't have much chance to do it, her present is becoming part of that past, precisely because she is not here, present with me. So every time she comes to mind, her truth has now prevented me from having that positivity. Same with Iris, if I hadn't talked to her mother, James would be here with me too. Instead, he is also going through a difficult phase, due to my curiosity. Maybe I shouldn't have gone that far, into too much detail...