Journey of Life.

Chapter 7.

Everyone laughed at his unexpected gesture. I felt trapped in a cage, a bird unable to fly. Those words, those screams, and those laughter were suffocating me. I was furious. They destroyed what I loved, to which I considered a way to escape from that shitty reality. It was all my happiness.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I immediately approached him. And with anger, I started punching and slapping him. I vented all my fury. I wanted to continue, but I was stopped by the teacher. They pushed me away but nevertheless I screamed wanting and with the need to do more. I was mad, really mad. My body was full of adrenaline, I remember I had the urge to vent it somewhere, because I wasn't feeling good at all.

I couldn't even cry, I just kept screaming. Everybody in the class started to panicking, even my bullies. And the professors? They did absolutely nothing, they did notice what I was going through but they preferred not to do anything. It was too much, I had enough.

"Miss Jones, why did you act that way?" Dean Pelton asked.

I did not answer. All I did was playing with my hands. They were shaking, I was no longer angry but afraid. Not for my mother's reaction, or for suspension. I was anxious that everyone was against me. Mom's eyes were disappointed and furious. And it was there that I realized, it was useless to explain the reason behind. She had already made her choice. In fact, she insisted me on responding the question. I was humiliating her if I hadn't. The moment I opened mouth, someone knocked on the door.

"We found severe bruises on the boy's chest." The stranger observed me badly. It was really disturbing, so I immediately looked down. "Can we have this conversation in my office, please? It's important."

And before leaving, my mother said, "I will speak to you clean and loud."

"Who cares." I whispered the moment I found myself alone. "He got what he deserved, we're even now."

I was suspended for three days. Which honestly didn't bother me much, I was happy. At least I could be alone, in my room, in my world.

"Reading and spending hours on those books isn't doing you well." Mom said as she closed her car door. "It's trapping you. No wonder why you're too close and full of anger."

Only there, I understood that my parents didn't understand me either. They were angry at having let them down. Especially from my tendency to shy away from books. That evening my parents gave me a burdensome speech.

"From today on you will no longer read nor touch any books." Dad said. "I can't believe I have to say something like this, unbelievable."

When he headed to the dining room, I remained alone with mom. She wiped my tears and started to stroke my long hair.

"We have decided that you will change school, so that you can finish this last year with confidence." She took my hand without looking at me. "Plus you will go every two days a week to someone, someone with whom you can talk to."

Half-smiling she added, "It sounds bad but trust me, it's not. It will do you good."

After that she left me too.

I stared at the emptiness, the only company I had at that moment. Until I met Nikki in the new school. In a sense, I wasn't very attached to her. In fact it took me a couple of days to break away from my circle. The only reason that spurred me not to want to be alone were my parents. I know I would have made them happy if I had a friend. I started frequenting her, and even decided to attend the same high school of her. Because with her I knew I wouldn't have been alone.

Sometimes I really wanted to give up, but I couldn't as much as I tried. Seeing my parents proud of my school life pushed me to continue. Above all, I cannot remain alone forever in my shell. So I knew that being that old Iris would not have been the solution. Except that I feel equally lonely, and constantly oppressed that I have to be like others.

'Why can't anyone accept me? Why can't anyone tell me that I was fine? I can't be alone, I have to try to be happy. That old Iris that everyone excluded doesn't have to come back. But I wonder...why am I torturing me so much? Do I deserve it?'