Journey of Life.

Chapter 5.

While the teacher explains the American independence, I can't stop thinking about the university world. The idea of ​​going to college gives me the hope of being able to rewrite a new past, for a new present. I heard that world is far from different from high school life. You have more freedom.

But it's also true that, there is a risk of abandoning the study, which I hope will not happen to me. For example, my mother had to leave her studies. She found out that that road wasn't for her. The reason behind has never been confessed. So out of respect for her, I never asked anything. That's why she insists, and hopes that I will continue my studies. She mentioned it before I started this last year of high school.

I remember well that day. It was that time when I was nervous on choosing what right college to apply.

"Besides, you will also meet various guys with whom you will have unforgettable experiences." She said. Her voice was joyful, recalling her old past memories.

"Mom, I don't care about guys." Those words made me feel weak.

I was not sure what I said. In order not to make her understand it, I just kept scrolling the lists on my laptop. But nothing, I suddenly felt lazy. So I decided to give up, and lie down in bed. My mother sat next to me.

"Will you promise me to be more open to people?" I didn't want to look at her.

I nodded without pronouncing a single word. I was confused of what I should think, my head was blocked. The thought of starting school again, and seeing the usual friends, obscured that pinch of positivity, which perhaps this year may be different from the others.

"Maybe you will find the love of your life, you'll never know." She sighed caressing my hair.

I watched her out of the corner of my eye. She looked down as if she were analyzing the floor. I don't talk much to my mother, and seeing her in that state made me tenderness. Therefore, in order not to create more silence I touched her hand.

"I will do my best, I promise." I responded half-smiling.

Regard what she said, I don't fully agree. Every day we meet new people. So we are not sure who will be the love of our life. Maybe it could happen that it may already be someone we know. I think back to when I was little, to when my father told me about the first time he saw mom. Later on she too. They narrated it differently.

They grew up together and they were actually best friends, so they never expected to get married one day. To get to him, my mom dated a lot of guys a lot earlier but none of them made her feel special. She traveled half of her life in search of the right one, as long as everything she was looking for, had been in front of her all her life, and it's dad.

And he, unlike her, had always waited for her to notice his feelings. Of course it happened that he gave up. But he knew that if he fell in love with another woman, he wouldn't be happy. And he would not have been loyal towards himself. He loved her too much and decided to never give up on her.

Here they are, husband and wife.

Who knows if I will follow their path. I mean if I'm lucky enough to meet someone like dad. Then remembering that I am Iris, well, all this won't happen.

"No use thinking about it." I whisper after a big sigh.

I can't stop staring at Nikki and Kelly who enjoys playing around with some boys. And the more I stare at them, the more I think to myself, "I already know, no one shall be interested in me, it's a waste of time."

But it's impossible not to think about it. All the songs I listen to are practically based on love. There are those who sing for the one who betrayed them, or those who remember their first love. Even those who cannot love the person they love. It makes me realize how much one suffers when it comes to love. I've never had anything to do with guys, or rather never had any relationship. I can't understand what they feel. Actually I only know how it feels not to be reciprocated. Which is different when it comes to being together with a person.

And while being in the school bus, I can glimpse a couple kissing in a car. Then another couple walking while holding hands. What strikes me are their intense looks. Although they are different, everyone has the same way of observing their loved ones, full of happiness and love. To immediately frame near a playground a couple arguing. Who knows what drove them to be in that state. So I understand that love is complicated.

'You never know what the right choice is. You would like to leave it, but at the same time you would like to keep it. Or sometimes you'd like to keep it, but you're afraid of getting hurt. Or cases where you would like to forget it, but the heart prevents you.'

I conclude that it's a bunch of choices. Unfortunately, every choice has its consequence. You can find yourself being disappointed, sad and grieved. But also lead you to be happy, relieved and free. Sadly the truth is that it'simpossible to express a single feeling. We have two faces in us. They can express pain and in the same way can express happiness. Perhaps this is why we are always so severe on ourselves. Because we don't know what we really feel or rather what we need. I believe that despite our emotions maturing, this phase remains for the rest of our life.