Journey of Life.

Chapter 14.

Here I am, one month after graduation, I immediately feel the laziness devouring me. This is the downside of summer, there are always those days when you don't know what to do. Except when with my parents, we go to the countryside. In fact, as soon as my father takes some days off, I can finally take those long walks, and do my usual picnic in front of the view of hills- while I read and draw. But for now, I have to be bored staying at home. But the thought of the books recommends me to go to the library. And without even changing myself, I leave the house. I take the bike in the garage and go to town.

I remember that as a child often on Sundays, I went to the world of knowledge. I was often in the area of ​​adults, so many observe me astonished devouring books after books. This was what made me different from other children. But people's eyes didn't weigh on me. Indeed they slowly got used to my being, greeting me with joy almost every morning. Who knows what has changed growing up. But I can't complain, now I know what I want to be. Furthermore reading only the preface of the books pushes me to read them all. As a consequence I spontaneously sit on the sofa and as a child I read books after books.

I spend the whole day in the library until I notice the time. It's already six o'clock, it's my mother's return home. I quickly pick up the last books left to read, and head for the exit. I put them in the bike basket, and pedal as fast as I can. On the way, I see the sky getting dark. It is strange that it is already dark at this hour. Then I notice the rain coming. Biking under raindrops is quite reassuring. Not having an umbrella, I can rejoice at the sensation of those drops caressing my face. With outstretched arms, I enjoy this fantastic moment. Unfortunately it does not last long, a car at speed splashes me out of a puddle. Great.

I hurry to go home. Upon entering I watch my mother staring at me while waving the cell phone in her hand.

"Sorry if I didn't answer you." I add, "I was in the library." My answer calms her down.

Going up to my room, I notice the various letters scattered on the bed. I don't pay much attention, because the only desire right now is to clean up. While in the shower, I think about how much time has passed. Very often when we are busy thinking, we don't notice life going by.

"Again you." I stop looking at the mirror. My mom decided to put it back in my room. I think she wants me to regain confidence. She wrote a note saying, I am wonderfully beautiful, on it.

"Okay Iris...you, you are-" I block myself. I can't do it. I sigh sitting on my bed, I keep staring at the floor. Why is it so hard?

After a few seconds, I get up. "You can do this."

From that moment on, I started telling me good and positive words...although I still feel unsure about my body. I have that concept to be perfect in every part. Especially these arms...But whatever, I'll be working hard. What matters is not to lose positivity. Yet...the more I keep looking at the mirror the more I feel curious how a boy can look at me. I mean, when he's in love. That same way my father stares at my mother. But who knows what it feels like to be in front of it. Or how a boy could hug you by surprise, or how he could kiss you. I have seen a few movies in which, there are various ways to express affection for a person. For example, I once saw a couple kissing endlessly on the bus. Eyes closed, lips in the lips, and hands touching. How he holds her in his arms, and of that way of her to caress his hair. I have never seen a kiss so understood. Instead there are others who express through their eyes, as mine often do.

'Sometimes I would like to understand, what you perceive to feel loved by a person you love.'

Touching my lips, I imagine someone kissing me, and gently caressing my hair. Maybe how he would stare at me while he warms me with his heat. Above all, how he would have blacked me out with his every touch. I think I'm going crazy. I feel shivers, as soon as I imagine someone touching every part of my body. I touch my legs, hips, breasts and finally my neck. 

I hope to find someone who can drive me crazy. And who knows how to warm me up, even when he is not present. That he knows how to surprise me every day, to spend life with, as if there was always something new to discover. I want him to fill my sky with stars, even if it is morning. I would like to see the universe in his eyes where, I can get lost. Only he will have to know how to make me happy.

Seeing myself touching with great breaths, and with absurd curiosity, I can feel my confidence coming out. I mean a side of mine never seen before. In the past I had small crushes. But I feel in me, this time that my heart wants to have more. Who knows if I will find it.

"Should I look for it or should I wait for it?" I whisper while I touch my long hair. It would better for me not to think about it...it's not the right time to fantasize.