Journey of Life.

Chapter 79.

I see that she is thoughtful, looking at a point on the kitchen table. I don't know how to behave after what has happened. But I cannot admit it, her presence worries me a lot. She is so different than usual, perhaps because I have never seen her so thin. Watching her in this state, let's say makes her soft, so at the end I gave her a few minutes. In order to cheer her up, I offered to make her a cup of tea. Despite my movements, she keeps her eyes focused on the same point, as if she was analyzing carefully the color of the table. Only when I put the cup in front of her view, she slowly looks up.

I ask sighing "So what do you have to tell me this time?"

She doesn't answer immediately, she just touches the hot drink, bringing it closer to her chest. After a few seconds, she decides to face me. "I know I won't make a good impression-"

She pauses, taking a deep breath. "But I'm here to apologize, for everything I did to you, and that you had to suffer because of us."

Without showing any expression, I mention "And? As you can see, I was getting ready to go to dinner with my family."

As I finish formulating the sentence, she gazes at me embarrassed. But she changes face as soon as I say "So take advantage that my parents are not here, to talk."

She looks around, as if she wanted confirmation of what I said. "Don't worry, Nancy and Daniel are upstairs."

I feel nervous, so I prefer to remain standing. I have a tendency to play with my hands when I'm in this state. But a part of me wants to keep a cold temper. So I cross my arms, waiting for her to open mouth. "First of all I wanted to say that I exaggerated last time. It's just that the figure of James gives me this effect, that I can't control myself."

I say with a cold tone "I saw a photo of you two as a child, I think in middle school, that you guys hugged each other smiling. In the company of Iris Hamilton, and everything gave me the impression that you and James were getting along."

"Suddenly everything has changed, so I ask you, why?" She touches her forehead the moment I finish. Her face is turning red, I think she is holding back a deep sadness. I don't know but I can feel it.

"The matter is very personal." She says, putting hands on her face, a way to hide her expressions. "And as you say, we all did something, but the problem is...I can't get the last time I saw her out of my head."

She trembles saying "There are no days that I don't think about her, and that's what hurts me. Because she was a great friend of mine, and it is my fault that I disappointed her."

In addition, she sobs confessing, " I shouldn't have told her the truth I had about her."

At that point, I ask "What do you mean-"

I don't finish because she speaks straight over me. Now my heart is beating fast, I have no energy. So I struggle even to sit down, I've never seen Nikki cry so desperately. As she speaks, I frame the little Harrison's watching us. So I signal them to go upstairs, I don't want sadness to infect their moods.

"Before I met James, she and I were best friends. We were inseparable, we did everything together. And I don't know why, life must be shitty...maybe it's my fault if I was born sick, otherwise it doesn't explain why I've always had this sick attraction towards-" She pauses, to wipe away the tears with a handkerchief that I offered.

"So yes, since I was a child I have been fighting this problem alone. I didn't want to tell anyone, because I knew it was wrong. So I was hiding it from everyone, and this hurt me a lot. Because I didn't have anyone to talk to about it."

And looking down, and speaking in a calm tone, she adds "Being with her so her company, was the right solution to make me forget this side of mine. That's why I spent a lot of time with her, until another figure appeared in our friendship. James."