𝐋𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐂𝐥𝐮𝐛 ✦ 𝐖𝐨𝐥𝐟𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝

Do you wish I was different?

Tw — panic attacks, and PTSD

[ Y/n ]

— Aged down: 7 —

Miles and I sat together watching tv. He's different now. I know his parents died so that's why but I don't know how to help him. "Hey Miles, you wanna go get ice cream?" He shook his head and hugged me tightly. "No." I sighed and stood up, pushing him off. "Come on! It'll be good! Promise! Quint can take us if you want."

Miles stared at me and sighed. "No, my nanny can take us." He hopped off the couch and grabbed my hand. We walked into Flora's room where Miles's nanny was. "Lucy, come on. You're gonna take us to get ice cream." Miles said. "Uh, okay." We all walked downstairs to the car. Lucy opened the door and I got in.

Miles stood outside, staring in at me. "Come on." I got back out and grabbed his hand. "No." I tried to pull him but he yanked his hand away. "No!" I stared at him and sighed. "Fine. I'll go and bring you some back."

"No you can't go either!" He grabbed my hand again and tried to pull me back inside the house. Miles was crying really hard and gasping like he couldn't breathe. "Miles-"

"I said no!" He shouted. Ms. Grose came out and Lucy was staring at us. "What's going on?" Ms. Grose asked. "Miles stop! I wanna go!"

"I won't let you! You can't go!"

Miles was holding my arm as tightly as he could with both hands. "Miles!"

"SHUT UP! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!"

He yanked me and I fell at his feet. "Miles!" Ms. Grose tied to grab me but Miles yanked me up. "No! No! No!" Quint came outside too and rubbed his eyes. "What is all this noise?" He asked. Miles was shaking really badly. "I wanna go." I whispered. "I SAID NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" I tried to pull his hands off but he wouldn't let go.

"Ms. Grose he's hurting me!" I whined, tears filling up my eyes. "Miles..." She crouched down. "No!" Miles yanked me along with him as he started running. "Miles! Get back here!"

He pulled me for a long time. Until we were in the woods. He suddenly stopped and turned around. "Y/n..." I pulled my arm away and looked down at it. His nails had dug into my skin and now I was bleeding. He fell on the ground and put his hands over his ears. "Miles..?" I crouched down and stared at him.

He was breathing really fast and crying. "Miles?" I shook him but he didn't do anything. "Miles!" I started to cry, shaking him harder. He was shaking really bad and I couldn't get him to stop. I hugged him and cried into his shoulder. "Stop! Please stop! You're scaring me!" He wrapped his arms around me and we cried together.

"I don't want you to die." He said.

. . .

When Miles calmed down the sun had set and the moon was out. "Watch out, there's a hole here." He muttered as we tried to find his house. "Miles I'm really tired..." I whispered. "You wanna sleep?" He asked. "Yeah." Miles looked around and led me over to a grassy area. "Okay. You can go to sleep and I'll make sure we're safe. I have Quint's pocket knife." He pulled out the pocket knife and I nodded.

"Here, you can use my jacket as a blanket." He took his blazer off and I put it on. "Thanks Miles... Aren't you tired?"

"Yeah but I don't wanna sleep."

"Why not?"

"I don't wanna see my parents die again."

I didn't know what to say so I just hugged Miles and closed my eyes.

. . .

The next morning I woke up and Miles was gone. I stood up and looked around for him. He walked out from the woods and waved at me. I waved back and he ran to me. "Why were you in there?"

"I had to pee."

"Ew, don't touch me if you didn't wash your hands."

"I did wash them, in the stream."

I nodded and Miles handed me a strawberry. "I found it when I was peeing." I took it and looked back up at him, kinda grossed out. "There's a lot of them over there if you're hungry." I nodded and he led me to the spot. We both started grabbing strawberries, stuffing our faces. "These are good." I said. He nodded and we both reached for the last one.

"You can have it." He offered. "Thanks." I grabbed it and bit off half of it. I gave Miles the other half and he smiled. He finished the strawberry and I grabbed his hand.

"Sorry about your arm." He said, looking at the dried blood on it. "It's okay." "And your chin. You scraped it when I made you fall." "That's okay too."

Miles nodded and we walked side by side. "I can see the horses from here!" I shouted. Miles looked and gasped. We both ran towards them, laughing and smiling. Before we could get to the horses to say hi, Ms. Grose came out of nowhere and grabbed us.

She was crying really hard but not as hard as Miles did. "You are in so much trouble mister! Why would you do that to me? I almost had a heart attack."

"You probably almost had one because you're old." Miles said as he tried to wiggle out of her grasp. "Y/n, are you okay precious?" I nodded and she sighed. "Oh thank god... You two smell disgusting so who wants to get bathed and who wants to have Quint check you for ticks?"

My eyes went wide and I looked at Ms. Grose.

"I might have... Ticks?"

She nodded and I screamed in horror.

. . .

— Age: 17 —

Miles hugged me, in the midst of a panic attack. "Shhh... You're okay Miles... You're okay." I whispered, running my hand through his hair. He continued to sob and I frowned. The way he trembled always broke my heart. "What triggered it my love?" I asked. He sniffled and muttered something into my dress that I couldn't understand.

"What?" I asked. He turned his head to the side and said, "The tv." I nodded and kissed his head. "Here baby, have some water." I passed Miles the cup and he drank from it. He passed it back to my and wiped his mouth. "Take a deep breath." I took one and he mimicked me. "Good job bubba. It's going to be okay." He nodded and wiped his eyes.

I ran my fingers through his hair and smiled. "Do you wish I was different?" He suddenly asked. I shook my head and caressed his knuckles. "No... No, Miles. I love you so much. I don't care that you need this. Alright? If you need someone to sit with you and play with your hair till you fall asleep, I want to do it. If you need someone to hug you for ten minutes to help you calm down, I want to do it. Alright? I've always loved you for you. I didn't mind it as a kid and I don't mind it now. I don't think it'll ever bother me. Alright? You mean so much to me Miles. I wouldn't want anyone else to replace me when you need support."

"Well I don't think I'll ever trust anyone enough to replace you." He joked. We both laughed and I hugged him. "I love you Miles."

He sat silently for a moment before squeezing me tighter. "I love you too Y/n."