~My feelings for her~ Elmax

Chapter 27: Bad Memories

*Warning: mention of self harm and abuse*

Max's pov

While we were all sitting in the living room when we got back home,Dustin suddenly gasped. We turned to look at him confused. "we should go to the pool" Dustin said smiling. "jeez Henderson we thought something happened to you" Steve said annoyed. "sorry" Dustin replied. "and no, it's a no, I'm not taking you anywhere I gotta go on my date" Steve said. We all stayed silent for a few seconds. "yeah but-" Dustin tried but Steve cut him. "I said no guys" Steve said. "dude just let me finish, how about tomorrow??" Dustin asked. "look i don't wanna babysit you guys again I'm tired" Steve said. "what?! You're not going to babysit us, just drive us there and then pick us up" Dustin said. "yeah that's basically babysitting are you kidding me" Steve said back annoyed. "hey, Steve, just calm down, I'll take them, alright?" Robin interrupted. We all smiled. "ha! Thank you Robin" Dustin said. Steve just scoffed and nodded. I really like going to the pool but I don't feel much comfortable with my body to be honest. I also have a scar from one day when things were hard at home. That day, Neil got back home drunk as usual and started yelling and hitting me.

*flashback *

I was laying on my bed watching a movie. It's been quiet for a few hours at home which is pretty rare. Billy was out with some friends or a girl I don't know and I don't really care. My mom was downstairs cleaning the living room I think. The silence at home didn't last long anymore. Neil got back. You could tell it was him by the loud bang he makes when he gets in. That's when my heart starts beating fast. I begin biting my Neils and skin around my fingers nervously. Neil keeps judging me for doing it but he's actually the one who gives me anxiety every single day. Not that I can control it. I wish I didn't have that habit. He started calling Billy's name. Billy wasn't at home though like I said. Neil got mad and started yelling. "I SWEAR IF HE GOT OUT AGAIN I'LL BEAT HIS ASS" he yelled and I could hear his heavy steps coming upstairs. That's when my heart dropped. I was so scared. I knew he would come in and yell at me, blaming me for no reason cause that's what he does. And he did. He bursted in mad. Almost broke the door. I was laying on my bed trying to look normal. I always try to hide my fearness around him. He looked at me furious. "Where is he?" Neil said quietly but very furious. "I-I don't know" I said. He got more mad now. "STOP LYING TO ME YOU LITTLE SHIT, TELL ME WHERE HE IS" he started yelling and coming towards me. I was scared for my life. "I-I think he went out with some friends, he-he will be back soon though don't worry" I said with a shaky voice. "I SWEAR IF YOU'RE LYING TO ME I'LL BEAT YOU UNTIL YOU DIE" Neil said grabbing my neck and chocking me. He then punched me in the stomach, let go of me and slapped me 3 times on the face. That's when my mom came in. Scared. "Neil-please stop, billy is out with some friends" my mom said scared but hid it. "I DIDN'T TELL HIM HE COULD!! I TOLD HIM TO FIX THE GOD DAMN GARAGE DOOR" Neil said yelling more. He gets mad about the littlest things. "I'm sure he'll do it when he gets back honey-" my mom said trying to calm him down. He cut her off by slapping her across the face hard. "NO" I yelled. Neil turned around and punched me. "DID I TELL YOU TAKK?!" he said. "n-no" I said trying not to faint. He took my mom by force and brought her downstairs. I tried to follow them to help my mom but I couldn't. He got in the way and locked me in my bedroom. I broke down. "DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO WASH THE DISHES AS WELL SUSAN!! GOD YOU'RE SO USELESS" I heard Neil yelling downstairs. I couldn't even help my mom. It just hurts so bad. Every singe day. I kept crying and crying. I went into the bathroom and took a blade. I cut myself in the stomach. I couldn't do it on my wrists like I did once in winter because it would be visible. This is the second time I do this. The first time was at one time when things were so much worse like today. I did one scar. Not so deep. I immediately regretted it so I stopped. I thought about my friends, El and everyone. I'm staying strong for them. The made me feel like my life is worth it, that I'm worth it. I dropped the blade and started crying again. I was sitting on the floor crying for hours. Neil was yelling so loud downstairs that he didn't hear me crying fortunately, if he did he would come upstairs and yell at me more. He calls me names like 'pussy', saying that I shouldn't cry and its no big deal. I got out of the bathroom and put on my headphones. I always listen to music so I don't hear the yelling downstairs. It calm me down. All I needed was a hug from anyone, my friends but I didn't want to tell them what's going on
*end of flashback *