- Empires Oneshots -

Incorrect quotes

I'm bored and these are funny to me
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Lizzie: I trust Joel
Jimmy: You think he knows what he's doing?
Lizzie: I wouldn't go that far

Jimmy: I think I'm having a mid life crises
Gem: You're like 15 years old
Jimmy: I MIGHT DIE AT 30

*The squad right before Scott's wedding*
Gem: Well I have to go, I have a wedding to attend.
Jimmy : Wait... Oh! I have a wedding to attend too!
Shubble: Oh, I have a wedding to attend as well
Katherine : I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND
Joey, panicked: I THINK I HAVE A WEDDING TO OFFICIATE

Joey: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.
Katherine : I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.
Joey: Absolutely not.

Fwhip, Pixlriffs, and Joel are sitting on a bench
Sausage: Why do you guys look so sad?
Fwhip: Sit down with us so we can tell you.
*Sausage sits down*
Pixlriffs: The bench is freshly painted.

Fwhip: I just ended a four year relationship.
Pixlriffs: Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?
Fwhip: Hm? Oh yeah, I'm fine. It wasn't my relationship.
*Joel and Sausage fighting from across the room*

Jimmy: Scott ... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Scott : Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.
Jimmy:
Jimmy: I wrote sanitize, Scott .

Lizzie : You know how I roll.
Lizzie : And I'm not talking about that time I fell into a pile of dung at the foot of a hill.

Katherine : You think I really give a fuck? I can't even read.

Lizzie: You kidnapped Scott ? That's illegal!
Gem: But Lizzie, what's more illegal? Briefly inconveniencing Scott , or destroying our dreams?
Lizzie: Kidnapping Scott , Gem!!!
Fwhip: Lizzie, listen, whatever I may think of you right now- these guys are counting on you to inspire them!
Lizzie: What, to kidnap people?!?!
Fwhip: To work together!
Lizzie: TO KIDNAP PEOPLE?!?!?!?!
Katherine : Lizzie, we all agreed a celebrity is a not a people.

Lizzie, to Scott : My life is in the hands of an idiot!
Scott , motioning to themself and Jimmy: No no no no no, TWO idiots!

Lizzie: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running?
Joel: Oh, I'm always running
Joel: The question is from what

Pixl: Dammit, False!
False: What?! It wasn't me!
Pixl: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Sausage!
Sausage: Not me either.
Pixl: Oh...Then who set the house on fire?
Fwhip: *whistles*

Pearl: Fuck.
False: We've got to work on your cursing.
Pearl: Why? I'm pretty good at cursing already.

Katherine : I've done a lot of dumb stuff.
False: I witnessed the dumb stuff.
Shubble: I recorded the dumb stuff.
Gem: I joined in on the dumb stuff.
Pearl : I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!

Joey: If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous.
Jimmy: What if it bites me and it dies!?
Scott: Then you're poisonous. Jesus Christ, Jimmy, learn to listen.
Pixlriffs: What if it bites itself and I die?
Fwhip: That's voodoo.
Joel: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
Jimmy: That's correlation, not causation.
Pixlriffs: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?
Fwhip: That's kinky.
Joey: Oh my God.

Fwhip: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside
Jimmy:
Jimmy: Fwhip, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn...
Fwhip: *Sips coffee from bowl*

Scott: What the fuck is wrong with you?!
Jimmy: Wow, you could start with a 'good morning'.
Scott: Good morning. What the fuck is wrong with you?!

Lizzie: You saved me. I owe you my life.
Joel: No thanks. I've seen it and I'm not very impressed.

Katherine , pointing: May I sit there?
Shubble: That's my lap
Katherine : That doesn't answer my question, Shubble.