Everllark fanfic: Forever & Always

I've ruined it all

" I had no other choice!" I snap at the mayor. He flinches. Maybe I  have become a little monster myself. Filled with the fire and rage. "I'm  not going to put you in jail!" he said, giving it all up. He puts his  hands up in the air. Guards mile out, Humvee's hum away loudly. They  submerge into dust clouds. His phone rings. "Yes. Capitol! He's  dead....Yes we are sure he's there....Bomb I guess...Two...T-T- two  days. Yes. Mhm". My whole body shakes, I've ruined it all. Now everyone  will hate me. "Do people know I killed him?" I ask quickly. He shakes his head "Katniss you know that you really didn't kill him. He was already badly hurt" he said. I give him a waning look. That definitely takes most of the guilt off of my shoulders. I can breathe now, maybe the nightmares won't be as worse. Consuming me into his treacherous monster. Gale. "That makes me feel so much better" I said, a small tear runs down my cheek. It feels warm as much as I feel cold. "Indeed" he said, I study his face. He looks grave, he's worried about something. "What's...wrong?" I question slowly.

He looks at me. Smiles. I shake my leg nervously. "Were not sure where the bomb is with Evan. We may not even have two days" he said. We may not even have two days.... I hope that Evan will not be blown to pieces by such a immature act. There was no reason for this. Maybe for him. Out of jealously. I don't know what has gotten into him. Now he is dead so we could not ask. Maybe if he was alive it'd be the tiniest bit of hope. To get something out from him, the truth of everything. I never imagined any of this. The sparks of hope in me are becoming less like sparks but like nothing. A pure existence of no hope. Peeta comes in his face is dark and desolate. I just hope he's not mad with me. Peeta wouldn't be. Right? He'll understand. "Why?" Is his first word. "He was already dead!" I protest. Peeta sits next to me. "Please Peeta please forgive me! Don't let anyone know not the kids! Anyone! I don't want anyone to think I'm a monster" I sob. My sobs are heaving, my chest hurts. I breathe in and out. His arms reach around me, I feel his warm lips touch my earlobe. "It's okay Katniss. I don't think your a monster, don't worry it's between us" he said softly. He rubs my back softly. Leaving electric warm spots. Oh how I needed those arms. And his lips. I almost feel better. It's different now then the games. The games I had to kill people. I did. And now I've killed Gale. I'm Not in the games. Did people View me then I a monster?

Peeta helps me out of the chair with my free hand as my other clutches a tissue. I'm not sure I'll live another day with this. Tonight the dark side will say hello to me again, as much as I don't want it to happen. I know, I will. Mayor silently leaves us to walk out down the hall and out the door. "Katniss wait!" he hollers behind. I don't turn around, Peeta gives me a quick look. He turns around "She won't talk now" "Well make sure you send Madge over"

Madge leaves giving me a long hug. And I'm not sure If i couldn't try to stop myself from crying. Ivy comes in giving her a hug. "So what is the news?" she asked before she left. "They went to find him that's all I know" "We'll have to wait to hear more news" Peeta said. He opens the door for her and I see a flash of Evan. His blond hair and gray eyes, like mine. I thought it was real. He disappears before my eyes. I let out a strangled noise then scream, crying. I fall to the ground, holding my stomach. I couldn't describe how I felt. The nightmares are horrible, as much like my stomach. I grimace as my throat swells while I hold in tears. I take deep breaths. "Katniss!" Peeta hollers from the doorway.

Carrying me in the room cradled in his strong arms was comforting me. The nightmares in my eyes were becoming lighter and less frightening. He set me on the bed, looking straight into my eyes. He was concerned and sad. I

Could.

Not

think..

straight.

After a while Peeta talks to me with a soothing voice. It's so complicated and I don't get it. I've never experienced anything like it. I was freaking out at every move. When Ivy came in I yelled for her to go away. Peeta said "Katniss calm down!". "Get me out of this" I said. He rubs my back leaving the buzzing trails. My nerves are becoming haywire now. He starts to kiss me. It feels in the moment that he has never laid his lips on my skin. His skin is smooth like a baby's skin. I was overacting. His heat is consumed with my skin. He kisses me all over, my earlobe, to my collarbone. The nightmares are gone. I can think now. I won't freak! Don't freak! I rock back and forth on my heels. Ivy comes in. Her eyes are filled with tears. Her cheeks shine. "Sweetie mom's sorry...come here" I said, voice cracking. "Is it one of the nightmares?" she asks curiously. I bring her into a hug. "Yes..Don't worry" Peeta strokes my back. I keep her in my arms for years. I'm never losing her. I can't lose anyone. Anymore.

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