First Impression 2

Chapter 53

-Hayley's POV-

The rain pattered against the roof and dinged against my window. The room surrounding me was bare and gloomy. The sun was not out and the clouds were low. It hadn't stopped raining since I left the club last night, or this morning I guess.

I could hear muffled voices on the other side of my door. Footsteps creaked across the floorboards but no one entered, and I didn't blame them.

"She's not in the mood for it, Logan." My mom mummered on the other side of my door.

She had been way more understanding than I had ever thought she would be. She had wrapped her arms around me and helped me change into dry clothing. Even though the room had lost all traces of belonging to me, she pulled back the bedding and allowed me to cry myself asleep in solitude.

She understood that much of me.

"Why can't I see her?" Logan whined and if I as in a better mind set, a better place, I would have laughed. Maybe smile.

"Wait until she is ready to come out," My mother offered. "She's in a rough space right now."

My eyes didn't leave the spot on the ceiling that I had recently claimed as mine. I felt as if the mattress had shaped to my every curve. I hadn't moved a muscle since then. I was scared that if I moved I would be taken back to that wretched alley.

I knew Ni.. he was angry. I knew he was drunk and upset. And in all honesty, he had every right to doubt me. I did consider Chris' offer. I did call him Chris. I did keep things from him. And maybe I did have unintentional feelings deep down for Chris. But now those feelings were nothing.

Only hatred.

There was a light knock on my door, disrupting me from my thoughts. I pressed the palms of my hands to my eyes to stop whatever tears tried to push through.

"come in," I said in a scratchy voice. My sobs and screams had taken a toll on my vocal chords. I could barely talk.

I didn't turn my head when the squeaky hinges sounded. I knew who it was but I didn't know why they were here.

My mother sat at the edge of my bed with a sad smile. "Are you... well lack for a better word, okay?"

I pulled myself up and leaned against the headboard. The air was cold, causing me to pull the covers around me tighter. "No," I croaked.

One side of Mom's mouth twitched into a frown as she placed her hand on my knee. I tried not to think about all the times Niall used to do the same thing when I wouldn't tell him what was wrong.

"I want to tell you something," She said softly and I nodded. I wasn't sure what she had to tell me when I was barely hanging on.

"As you know, I was an alcoholic when you were young."

"Is that really how you want to start this conversation?" I snapped and she held up a hand.

"Let me finish," She sighed. "Do you know why?"

I shook my head.

"I loved your father," She said with a small smile. "I loved him so much. When we met I instantly fell for him. He was tall and muscular. He had the brightest smile and had the most beautiful, playful personality I had ever witnessed. Eventually, he came up and talked to me. I was confused. I thought, how could someone as perfect  as this man ever be interested in an ordinary person like me?"

"I thought you had a high self-esteem?" I interrupted not meaning to. "Sorry."

"It's okay," She insisted. "I did but your father made me feel like I was nothing compared to him, and never would be. We started doing our work together and eventually he invited me to a few gigs of his."