First Impression 2

Chapter 66

-Hayley's POV-

I couldn't sleep. I had been ignoring Niall's texts and calls all day but I hadn't ignored them completely. I just didn't reply.

It was so much to take it. The sad thing, the thing that hurt the most wasn't because I thought he was lying, I knew he wasn't lying. He thought he was right. So, in a way, he wasn't lying.

I pressed my phone to my ear to listen to the voice mails for the twentieth time. 

"Hayley, babe, listen to me please. I'm sorry for spilling all this on you but you deserve to know. Expecially if your mum is coming up tomorrow. What if he comes? I don't trust him around you. I'm worried about you. Call me back, please?"

"Hayley, I'm serious. I understand that you're upset but please call me back. Fuck, just text me please. I don't care if you're mad at me. I just want you to talk to me. Yell at me. Something. Anything."

"Whatever. Fuck it. Don't text me. Don't call me. See if I care."

"Okay, I'm sorry baby. I overreacted. I realized that as soon as I hung up. Shit, I'm a dick. Please just say something, anything? I'm worried."

"Well, princess," This voicemail killed me every time I listened to it. His voice cracked and it was so soft I had to strain my ears to catch the words coming out of his mouth. I could see if sitting on the edge of a hotel bed, driving those long fingers through his hair, again and again. "I have called you a million times. I have texted you every fifteen minutes. I don't know what else I can do. If you honestly want space, if that's truly what you want, then I will give it to you. I will give you as much time and space as you need to put yourself first. I will wait. I can work on becoming the man I once was. I'm trying not to be so selfish, I really am. I mean, I have to be making some sort of progress, right? I mean, I'm sitting here expressing my feelings to you, sounding  like a fucking baby, but still. That had to count as something. Doesn't it?

I'm not trying to be an ass. I'm not trying to make you pity me or anything, or belittle you. I am honestly scared though, Hayley. I'm scared to lose you. Not just in a relationship, but physically. I don't want to lose you. When Chris told me that, I just.. I got scared. I'm still scared. Maybe it's nothing. Maybe Chris is just being an ass as always, but I didn't want to risk it. I didn't want to risk you. Please, just contact me in any way to tell me something. Say you're still mad, say you want space, tell me anything you want. Please?

I love you Hayley. I will always fucking love you. Just, please, remember that. Goodbye and good night babe. I hope you sleep well, because I know I won't."

 Niall hasn't done anything for me to push him away. He just told me what he felt like I should know. That's all he did.

He's communicating. Something I have been trying to get him to do since our first fall out last semester.

I scooted myself over to the edge of Matt's bed and tilted my head towards the window. The sky above my head was decorated with stars. Each one looking like a spec in the sky.

In reality, I knew those stars were huge massive balls of gas. Giant balls that destroyed many things but it also made things beautiful. It made the night, the darkest time, seem beautiful. If something so messy and so big seem so small, what did that make all of my messy and big mistakes?

Insignificant.

When it came down to it, my mistakes meant nothing to the universe. When it seemed like the weight of the world was crashing down on my back, it was really only myself. It was me adding the pounds and the pressure.