her truth

mending my broken heart

Sitting in class, Sandra played with her phone has her class was to a break to make a long face. The guy she met on that dating app she was starting to miss even though he wasn't very nice, Sandra shook her head to then place the phone down to look at it for a moment.
Why are you giving this boy so much of your energy?
Signing, Sandra looked up to eye over the teacher who came in to try and listen.
Even though Sandra was a bit naive, she was also a very strong willed woman.
After class was over, Sandra walked back to her place, to sit in on her bed to eye about the emptyness, this is what she felt on the daily.
More of the reason she was wanting and bad to find another, to escape the loneliness.
Making a face, Sandra placed her hand to get computer lap top to then open to get some school work done to then look over that dating app to see no one had left her abu messages, many likes though.
Shrugging, Sandra eventually got her work done to then move the computer back to lay down to wrap her arms about her to then eye up to think of her sisters.
How lucky my sister's are to be going through this world with someone to share it with. Especially my one sister Brita who has a man and a child.
Sandra darted her eyes over her ceiling has she was in deep thought.
In Sandra's life, she was constantly surrounded by people but she also felt the sting of being alone, especially now when everyone she knew was starting there lives and Sandra felt a bit behind. Doesn't help society also projects the idea you need to be with someone to be truly happy.
Moving to her side, Sandra just couldn't stop feeling the loneliness that was surrounding her.
Eventually, Sandra was able to go to sleep.
The next day, Sandra went to class but then went down to go spend time with her father, to have him to his chair for them to be watching a movie to not really be talking.
Sandra loved her father's company but she was still wanting someone to spend her life with.
Even to Sandra, she didn't know why finding someone was consuming her attention, but again she had three older sisters who had someone and the other part was her own parents divorced when she was young, sandra saw what loneliness did to her father, that was another contributing factor has to why she was like this. Her father was in his 50s and sandra really didn't want to end up like that.
Even though her father had his daughters to visit and help him, Sandra could tell there was something missing in his life has well.
Turning her head, Sandra saw her father asleep, not wanting to wake him, she got up to scratch her cat on the head to then leave the apartment to then go to get car to eye over it.
Signing, she started to car to then go back to her dorm.
Going in to her place, Sandra tried what she could to keep occupied and not to think about trying to find a guy, she did try she listen to her sister and father who said to Sandra that she needed to focus more on school and getting a career going.
Laying to her back, she breathed in and out to hear the city sounds to make a face.
Other then being constantly alone, Sandra was a woman who was in her mind and a lot, came with the territory when she didn't have that many friends and she was trying to focus on school and getting her career going. It also got her into trouble a lot of the time.
Sandra closed her eyes to then place her hand over her heart has she kept thinking of that one guy.
Will I ever find someone who doesn't care I'm a virgin? Someone who will actually love me for me?
Sandra was starting to find doubt with that.
In this world men apparently only cared about one thing, sex. Sandra was trying to find something more meaningful then that, someone she could actually grow with.
Sandra signed to make a face has she felt her heart thump unevenly under her hand.
Sandra was starting to believe what she wanted in a man was just in fairy tales and he didn't exist in this world.
Sandra shuffled to her side to catch herself a bit.
She was starting to be annoyed with herself has she seemed to be so guy crazy.
Moving to her stomach, sandra placed her forehead to her pillow to move it about a bit to groan.
Maybe I just need to stay alone, just focus on school and what I'm going to do once I graduate then think of relationships.
Sandra turned her head to look across the way to the wall to sign and hard.
I just don't want to be alone anymore. The guys I have tried to have an actual relationship with, a deep one, all just wanted sex. I'm just not that type of girl. I want to really know him before we go in that way. Sex to me is a very big step. Maybe I'm just too old fashion for this generation.
Sandra darted her eyes over the wall to then go to her back to eye up to make a very hard face to be a bit sullen.
Don't know why I'm the only one who wants to wait, sex yes it's important in a relationship but it's not everything. Don't know why it needs to be the first thing that happens in a relationship. Should be getting to really know the other before you have sex. Ive watched enough shows and movies that sex can complicate things between two people.
What if I have sex and him and I aren't compatible. I don't want to lose my virginity that way. I want to lose it in love and with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. My sister Brita is with the man she lost her virginity too and they have a son together, my elder sister Chrissy is with her man she lost her virginity with, even though they went out on and off, there together. Don't know if it's because of them or not that I want that but.....
Sandra took in a deep breathe in to then lay to her side to eye her hand to make a very sad face has she felt so many things, that was another thing that got her into trouble, her feeling so deeply about things.