her truth

nothing is getting better

Days turned to months for Sandra to basically be locked in her home, even though they had the four cars only one really worked, which made taking her father to the hospital when he was sick was very hard or even taking her girls to there doctors appointments made the really difficult, however Diego didn't seem to be care and Sandra just didn't want to keep fighting with him, especially since they would fight in front of Emily and Sarah which made Emily very said but for Sarah given her age didn't seem to mind it, her mother started to get in-between it a bit to make sure she took the girls out so they wouldn't have to be apart of it which made Sandra feel very sad and ashamed.
This would cause more arguments between Sandra and Diego because he saw nothing wrong with it.
Diego had a lot of anger and control problems and took it out on Sandra in front of the girls so much that Sandra was starting to become numb and the worst of it all to some extent become just like him which made Sandra lay in bed to cry, because she didn't want to be anything like him.
The therapy suggestions didn't help either has it made life with Diego worse, he didn't want to be preached at and kept saying only Sandra needed this type of thing, laying all the trouble on her which caused Sandras anxiety to soar.
In one of the days, Sandra had the bath room door closed to be taking in deep breathes has she was to the toilet seat to then shake a bit has she just had a panic attack.
She had cleaned the whole house, her father was sick in bed thinking he needed to go to the hospital, but later went against it, for all his readings were normal, to know that Diego was on his way and the girls down stairs were making a mess again, this made Sandra have a panic attack, she didn't want to have an argument with Diego but she knew it was going to happen, she would take the girls to get outside however her father's car didn't work again and Diego took her car to get to work.
Sandra then took in deep breathes for it to start to really help Sandra to move herself to the back of the toilet has she felt drained, these panic attacks started to get more frequent, she did talk to her therapist about it to which he gave grounding excerises but she still had them.
Sandra then got up to move about to go to the sink to then bend her body to splash water to face to then move up to eye herself over the mirror.
You got this, you are here, nothing really bad is going to happen, you got this.
Sandra took in a deep breathe to close her eyes to feel the water drops go about her face to then smile a bit has she heard her daughters knocking on the door.
"Mommy!!!!" Emily exclaimed.
Sandra then heard Sarah say the same for them to keep knocking, Sandra turned her head to eye over the closed door to then move about to unlock to then run about to go to the walk in closet to then hide, she loved to play with her girls, it helped her a lot to come back into the happiness of life.
They went in for the girls to eye the other.
"Where is Mommy?"
Sarah moved her arms up to shrug.
"I do nt know....." She said in baby talk.
"Well she has to be here somewhere, we must look for her."
Sandra under the clothes was to the corner to wait for them to find her to then look to the wall to take in deep breathes has she started to feel sick, panic attacks hurt her stomach and made her feel really weak, she then made a face has the girls both looked at the other when they heard the front door open and close.
"Daddies home! He gives us candy!"
Sandra heard the girls run about to go downstairs for her to sign. She then got up to go downstairs for Diego to give the girls candy to then take a step forward to place his hands to his hips to look over the living room to then eye up.
"Really Sandra, this place is a mess!"
Sandra gritted her teeth to watch him go to roll her eyes.
Was cleaned before the girls wanted to play.
Sandra then went down to go straight to the kitchen to then look across the way to see the girls to the table to he eating there candy and snacks to then eye Diego has he went to sit to the brown love seat to be to his phone to be laughing and hard.
Sandra closed her eyes to take in a deep breathe to think about what the therapist told her to do.
She then opened her eyes to then turn to go to the oven has she made a really great meal to then get it all ready to get the girls fed first to then get Diego fed to stand there for a moment to eye over him has he had a face.
"Yes?"
Diego signed.
"I should be the first to have my dinner not the girls."
Sandra widened her eyes a bit.
"Really? The girls need to eat first."
"I've been working all day, you don't do Jack shit! I am the man of this house Sandra, I should eat first "
Sandra placed her hands to her hips to shake her head to then turn to go back to the kitchen given she hasn't made her food yet and she hasn't really eaten that day and needed food after her panic attack, but she also needed to clean before she could eat or Diego was going to bitch further.
Sandra went to do all that to then sit down to eye over him has he made a pig over himself to then eye down to shake her head.
You will not be fed first always the girls, always.