her truth

starting to really think

After the day to the lawyers office, Sandra spent more and more time to be thinking about what happened and what she had asked her. Sandra knew she was not happy with Diego, he treated her like crap all the time, also the only thing he did was work work work and put down Sandra all the time, he even did it in front of her family, his family and the girls which was not at all okay, even though Sandra had tried what her late therapist told her to do to try to communicate with Diego it didn't work, nothing seemed to and Sandra was going more and more down with this relationship, Diego was not at all trying to change, he wouldn't go see a marriage therapist unless they were male and spoke in Spanish. Sandra didn't understand why they needed to have those specific things but Diego refused to go unless she found someone like that and even when she started to look when she told Diego she was going to try and find someone like that, he laughed it off and told Sandra he wouldn't go, Diego told Sandra she was the problem and not him, this made Sandra more depressed.
Sandra was trying to fix her marriage to no avail, she felt is was all one sided, Diego wasent doing anything to make the marriage better, Sandra didn't feel like she was asking for much, she just wanted him to help with the children, help clean, stop putting her down, be more active with the family and there marriage, given all Diego did was just work and he wouldn't help out at all, he never helped with the cleaning or with the girls or with food, however Diego would tell Sandra we'll your a stay at home Mom and this is your job and I'm doing the hard part, Diego would often make Sandra feel like crap. However that was how Sandra was feeling in this relationship all the time. Sandra didn't want to feel this anymore.
To a sunny day, Sandra was to a park to be walking around to watch her girls emily and Sarah play to dart her eyes over them to sign here and there has her mind was occupied with her relationship with Diego and how much she hated it, she wanted it to be better, she didn't want her girls to see these types of things and didn't want her girls to see how much Diego disrespected her in front of them, Sandra was the type of person who thought of the future, even though the girls were young, she often would think about what they saw and how this was going to hurt there possible future relationships, Sandra really just wanted her girls to have a great life and right now she could tell they weren't, at least not when there father came home and you couldn't really know what type of mood he was going to be in.
Sandra was always on edge and she really didn't it, it was also giving her panic attacks that the girls could see, they even had gotten to the point to where she then started to lay down to get room while it was black to just shiver and to hold herself while her father or when her mother came to visit, to watch the girls so sandra to go through one of these things and they were getting worse and more frequent.
Sandra signed to then get her mind out of thinking to then go up to the equipment to then start to play with her girls to have a smile on her face, this was the only time during the day she was actually genuinely happy, after a great day at the park, Sandra Took them home,  then be bouncing her one foot to the side to be eyeing forward with a face.
Diego was due back home and soon and Sandra hasn't gotten dinner ready, Sandra started to go just a bit faster to then go home to get the girls situated to be happy her father was downstairs to be to his tablet to then watch over the girls for Sandra to then start on dinner and fast, she was going to do a Mexican dish for Diego.
About half way through she then made a hard face has she heard the girls running to there father who had bags of unhealthy chips to then hear his step dad behind him, to then say hi and bye to the girls in Spanish for him to then leave for Sandra to be to the stove to be making the food has fast has possible.
Diego then let the children go to then go about to go to the door frame to eye over to scoff.
"Dinner still going?"
Sandra signed to keep her eyes to the food.
"I just got back not long ago, I took the girls to there favorite park and...."
"Always making excuses and a man has to come home without a cooked dinner."
Sandra turned her head to watch Diego then leave to eye him go upstairs to then turn to place her hands to the sink to hang her head to start to twitch and shake a bit, she was going through a panic attack.
Emily then went up to her to eye up.
"Mommy?"
Sandra took in very deep breathes to then turn her head to then eye down to look over her.
Sandra then went down to grab ahold of Emily to then place her on her hip to eye over with a smile to then look about to see Sarah had gone over to her father to be sitting next to him, for her father to be off his tablet to be playing with her and laughing.
Sandra couldn't help but to smile to be internally shaking to then eye over Emily to place a thumb to her face to caress to then slowly turn to go to the stove.
"I think I need Emily's help here."
Emily couldn't help but to smile to then place her hang you the wooded spoon to then start to stir the pot for Sandra to make sure she was safe to help to have a long face to hold back her tears. She hated that Diego made her feel this way but honestly what could she do, Sandra took in a deep breathe to focus on dinner and her babies and not care about her mental health they was starting to go really fast down hill.