her truth

a long road to recovery

Waking up to his mother's couch, Sandra made a face has her back hurt to then peer her eyes down to Emily in her swaddler to be on a couch cushion to be sitting soundly.
Sandra smiled to then get up to go to the bathroom to relieve herself to then go to the kitchen to then wash her hands and start in on something to eat to then sign a bit.
Emily woke up.
Sandra nodded has she was trying to prepare her food to then turn to tend to Emily, first to let her out of the swaddle to then breast feed her with a face.
Sandra had talked to Diego about her doing half breast milk feeding and formula however he wouldn't hear of it, first because he was to tired to fed Emily the second was because a mother's milk is better, which Sandra did not argue against but she was so tired.
Going to Diego's mother's, it really didn't help. His mother was often gone tending to her own children, the dogs, her man and her son and to help emily when she could.
His mother did have her own life and Sandra was okay with raising her child, however didn't help Diego was not at all there for them.
After feeding her daughter, Sandra sat to the floor to forget to eat what she was making to then begin to play with Emily.
A bit later, Sandra got dressed to have changed Emily's clothes to be bobbing her about to walk back and forth, to then stop to the living room to turn her head to watch has Diego came in after his step dad to then take of his shoes to then go to the bathroom ignoring Sandra and Emily, Sandra signed to then look over his step dad with a smile has he went to Emily to play with her for a bit to then go about looking for his dinner that Diego's mother made for everyone.
Turning back, Sandra looked to Diego who came out with his phone to then go to sit to have his mother eventually come out to have placed a table before him to place his food to him.
Sandra made a face to watch his mother then went back to the kitchen. She felt very sorry for his mother. Sandra had to watch has she catered to her 23 year old son who really didn't do anything nor helped her.
Looking to the side she came back to eye over Sandra.
"Are you hungry?"
"I can eat later. I have Emily."
"Let me take her. You need to eat."
Sandra nodded to then give Emily to her to then go and set up her food to then sit next to Diego to eat, Diego eventually looked to her.
"Why are you yawning?"
"I'm tired."
"How are you tired? Probably slept more then me."
"I have been having broken up sleep. I only get about two hours before I'm up with Emily."
While you sleep right through it.
"Still. You shouldn't be this tired."
Diego looked back to his phone, Sandra looked over him to roll her eyes to then look down at her food.
"Maybe it's post partem depression."
"Don't think so."
"It's something I've been researching into. Can explain why I'm so tired..... But I don't have any thoughts of hurting myself or the baby..... And I can't enough of her....I don't know. I'm just so tired and my body is sore "
Sandra looked to Diego who was still eyeing his phone to ignore her.
Sandra signed to look back to her food.
What is the point in me trying to talk to him? Doesn't seem to really care.
Sandra made a face, has she continued to eat to then look up. Diego's mother went to her.
"Emily is crying, means she's hungry."
Sandra nodded has she wasn't able to eat to then go up to go gather her daughter to then go to his mother's and his father's room to sit after she closed the door to then feed Emily.
Sandra didn't feel like herself anymore, she had to mostly take care of Emily all by herself with no real help from Diego and his parents helped when they could but it was all left for her.
Bobbing Emily Sandra looked down to eye over her.
You are just.... So very cute.
Sandra smiled to caress her daughters head has she continued to fed from her breast to then look to the back of the door with a face.
She knew Diego didn't have breasts but he didn't do anything. Sandra even tried to have milk in a bottle and he still didn't help, Sandra stop trying with that and went back to what she was currently doing which was difficult.
Didn't help she had to switch Emily from one to the other given she wasn't producing that much milk and also it was starting to hurt her.
Done, Sandra burped Emily to then go with her to eye over Diego who was still to his phone to be relaxing, Sandra then eyed next to him to see her food was gone, sighing Sandra went to another couch to rock and play with Emily.
Has days progressed Sandra by the end of the third month was ready to go back home and take care of Emily herself given Diego worked 12 hours a day and he wasn't there at his mother's any way. Also Sandra wanted to be in her comfort zone.
Getting home however Sandra had a breaking point has she was all alone in the house, has Emily cried so did she. Thinking she needed to go back, Sandra then took in a very deep breathe to then look to emily who stopped crying to eye over her mother.
Sandra wiped her tears to cradle Emily to her body to go upstairs.
All these hormones I am having have to be the cause of what I'm feeling. This is going to be hard, but I know I can do this. Little did Sandra know, it was going to be so very hard.