her truth

lost in confusion

Has they went to the theripist a few times, nothing changed. The theripist then stated to them that he didn't really do couple counseling, has Sandra talked to him, she wanted to continue to talk has her life with Diego was very hard.
Sandra then started to have regular therapy appointments with this man given she really didn't know what else to do with her life has she didn't feel she had anyone really else to talk to. Sandra very much didn't want to be a burden to her sisters about what was going on with her boyfriend and she didn't feel his family was going to be any help given what happened with that party.
To one of there sessions, Sandra peered her eyes down has her heart was racing in her chest, it was the first one without Diego and Sandra was feeling very scared and nervous.
They then came in with a smile to then go to his chair to sit to then eye over Sandra.
"Well hello, how are you today?"
Sandra raised her head to look over the theripist has her heart pounded in her chest.
"Doing okay and yourself?"
"I'm doing quite well. So how has things been going?"
"Okay. Diego still works every day 12. Hours, leaving me all alone to care for Emily, the only true break I get is when I go to his mother's house, on the weekends, but I don't really get a break then either, which is understandable, it's not on her to raise my baby but..... I'm getting very much over whelmed and exhausted."
"Which you should be. It's hard to raise a child, harder when you're doing it all on your own. So is Diego ever helping you?"
"No. He works then when he comes home he is to tired to help me clean or take care of Emily, when I ask him to help he gets mad, then he smokes and goes on his phone."
"He smokes?"
"Yes illegal drugs. He does it sometimes in front of our daughter, but most he goes in the bathroom. I don't know why he keeps.... Being like this. I understand we're young, didn't really know the other before we had Emily but.....I didn't think I would be doing everything on my own like this. Thought he would help."
"Not happy he smokes however everyone needs to have an outlet. Have you've tried to talk to him about helping you?"
"I have tried but..... He just gets mad and then goes into himself. When Emily cries it gets worse. He doesn't like it when she does that and wants me to keep her quiet. We then usually go outside even if I'm tired. Just trying to keep the peace with everything."
"Seems Diego has anger issues a bit and needs to find ways to release that then on you and your daughter."
"I've talked to him about that too, he says he's perfect. Doesn't know what I'm talking about when I've tried to help him with his anger and him ignoring Emily and I. He just..... Won't hear of it."
"Hmm..... Well sometimes people just don't want to listen even though they should. So.... What have you've done for yourself?"
"I... Don't do anything for myself, I'm a mom, 24/7."
"You need to be able to do something for yourself. You need to take time for you."
"Emily needs to be taken care of first. She is my top priority. I will eventually take care of myself. Would help a lot more if Diego could help."
"Yes it would. Seems Diego is having a lot of him time but not letting you have any of your time and that is not good. You both can't be parents every single second of every single day. You are Sandra and Diego before you had emily."
Sandra nodded has the theripist kept talking, she started to wish that Diego could hear this also. However he believed therapy was a waste of time.
Sandra signed to herself to continue to talk to the therapist to then eventually leave to think about everything he said to then go to Diego's mother's, she watched Emily so Sandra could be there.
Going in, she saw Emily was to the floor for tummy time to then go straight to her to be on her knees to smile and wide.
Emily turned her head has she still laid to her body to look to her mother to smile and wide.
Seeing that smile Sandra couldn't help but to gently take Emily to then stand to hold her and close to take in a very deep breathe, the only person in her life that gave Sandra any real happiness and joy was her daughter.
Keeping Emily to her arms, Sandra went about to then head to the kitchen to make herself something to eat.
All day Sandra held Emily and played with her for Diego to then text to let her know to stay since he was going to go drink and smoke with his friends after work to then be home sometime later.
Sandra rolled her eyes over that text to then settle down to his mother's bed, Emily was to big now to sleep on a couch cushion and so Sandra and Emily were able to take the bed, Sandra slept to the edge to be to her side to look over Emily who was in her swaddle to be fast asleep, Sandra darted her eyes over her baby to take in very deep breathes to wish I'd a different life for herself and Emily, however that just wasn't in the cards for them.
Having a baby did not make Diego grow up, he was 23 and he still acted like a kid, he made his mom and Sandra raise his child has he did whatever he wanted and it was just not fair at all for Sandra or for Emily.
Signing, Sandra closed her eyes to snuggle up closer to Emily to fall asleep with tears coming down her face.