her truth

nothing changed

After the day Sandra told Diego they should get a divorce, nothing at all changed, Diego worked a little bit more, he also started to smoke a lot more and he was a bit more distant, not just with Sandra but also with the girls, Sandra kept trying to try to talk to Diego about a possible divorce where he would tell Sandra they are not getting a divorce, he would also go after her with verbal abuse to make it all her fault and she would be ripping the family apart, Sandra at this point didn't know really what to do, she went to her sister's for advice, to where one even was being a mediatior but nothing happened, it went through Diego's ear and out the other, Diego just wouldn't do anything to fix the marriage but would go after Sandra and told her she needed to fix herself for him and everything would be good again, said if she just made food the way he wanted it and did the laundry the way he wanted and his to take care of the girls even though he was never there everything would be back to where it was, however that never made Sandra happy.
Has the days went by Sandra had more panic attacks and laid down a bit more has it was physically attacking her, she was very happy her mother and father were well enough to watch her girls however that made Sandra feel like shit, it was hey job to take care of those girls.
Even though this wasn't enough, after a few days later, Diego came home a little earlier, for Sandra to have been making dinner to then leave the girls with her father for Diego and Sandra to go to the stairs, given Sandra was going upstairs to then stop at what Diego said, Sandra turned to eye.
"What?"
Diego signed to eye over her.
"I got fired."
Sandra parted her lips to then turn fully to then sit down to eye up.
"Why did you get fired?"
"They said my performance fell off, I went from a 95 to a 92."
Sandra looked to Diego to be confused, that wasn't a big jump down.
"What do they mean your performance fell off? I don't understand."
Diego scoffed to then wrap his arms about himself to then get over Sandra.
"It's your fault and the girls.'
Sandra shot up to stand to eye over.
"What?"
"You always are bitching at me to be home and I was always going to work late, this is your fault!"
Sandras whole body quivered for her to peer her eyes down to have Diego's words actually go through her, Sandra started to believe it.
She then started to have a major panic attack
"What, what are we going to do? I gave up my photography job for you to go work in the office, you said everything would be fine, you were also taking coding classes, you seemed to be doing so well, what about the rent, my dad can't take all that on his own, we don't have any saving and and......"
Sandra started to take in deep breaths has she was no longer financially stable.
Diego widened his eyes to look to her.
"Wow! You are so selfish! I just got fired! You need to be taking care of me and be comforting me, your making me feel bad! You are a bitch!"
Sandra started to shake a bit has her panic attack grew to start to really breathe heavily to have Diego's words really start to get to her, Sandras chin quivered to then turn to go straight to her bed to lay down to her side to quiver.
Diego went in to then look over her with rage in his eyes.
"Are you fucking kidding me! You are such a selfish bitch! I tell you I got fired and you're laying down! Unbelievable!"
Diego then turned to leave to slam the door for Sandra to jump to quiver even harder, the panic attack was getting to her and hard.
Sandra then wrapped her arms about herself has dark thoughts started to go in.
What are we going to do now? If we can't pay rent we are all going to end up on the street, what about my babies? What is going to happen to them? What about my father? I knew I should have taken that job, this really is all my fault.
Sandra started to go into a heavy self loathing and to let Diego's words really affect her mental state, Sandra started to believe them, that she was no good, that she was a bad person, a bad wife, a bad daughter.
Sandra held herself tighter has she went more deeper then she had before due to what Diego had said to her.
After a long time, Sandra was able to get out of it to be taking in long deep breathes, to have her eyes opened to be darting them to eye out the window to watch the leaves move about. For a moment Sandras mind went blank, she concentrated on her breathing to continue to eye out the window to watch the wind blow.
Sandra signed has she could feel her body weight and how sick she started to feel.
Sandra kept her arms wrapped about herself to groan here and there to make a hard face.
I......I need to do better..... Maybe if I do everything Diego tells me to do, he will love me like he used to in the beginning, maybe he'll help me more, maybe he won't treat me like this anymore. This is all my fault, I've been a horrible wife and mother, I need to do everything he says for now on. It'll make everything better if I just do what he says.
Sandra closed her eyes and tight to think in that direction for the first time in her life, to keep herself together, not to know that later on she would find out the real reason Diego was fired, it was because he smelled like pot and he went to work drunk twice, and there are other times he didn't even go to work, what did he do, no one knew or knows.