Agape & Eros

A Mother's Heart

It is midnight at Sood house. Meera enters Priya's room. Priya is lying on the bed pretending to sleep. 

Meera sits by her side and keeps her hand on Priya's head. 

Meera- Priya, are you sleeping? 

Priya doesn't answer. 

Meera- I know you aren't sleeping. 

Priya still doesn't answer. 

Meera- Priya, do you remember? When you were a little girl you used to love guava. But you could never ask me to buy you those. You'd just play a game with me with fruit names. You'd say, "Ma, look I can tell the name of fruits of this season." & your list would always start with guava.  And I'd always understand what my Priya wanted. But with time you stopped giving me those hints. It wasn't your fault. So many things happened to you. They all forced you to grow up before it was time to grow up. And I couldn't save you from those, Priya. I should have, but I couldn't.......

Tears trickle down Priya's closed eyes. Meera too starts to sob but keeps talking. 

Meera- Over time I've even stopped to understand what you want, what you need. I should have understood you, I should have given you what you needed. I should have......

Meera can't complete the sentence. Countless times, she has ignored Priya, she has prioritized her other kids over Priya. She wasn't fair to Priya. She knows that deep in her heart. But what else could she have done, she doesn't know. 

When Mahendra Sood injured Priya with the shards of his bitter words, Meera's heart was bleeding. But she couldn't protest for she was scared of Mahendra Sood. She knows she should have become a shield for Priya, but she didn't know how to. 

When Priya had to give up her scholarship, Meera felt helpless. But she couldn't tell Priya to pursue her dream for she didn't know how to handle the mess. She knows she should have supported Priya to go for it, but she didn't know how to. 

When Maitri betrayed Priya....

Yes, Maitri. Neeraj left Priya, but Maitri betrayed her. What complaint against outsiders! 

It is one's own's betrayal that hurts the most.

When Maitri betrayed Priya, Meera's heart was broken into pieces. But she couldn't favor Priya for she didn't know how to go against Maitri's stubbornness. She knows she should have protected Priya's dignity, but she didn't know how to. 

Meera starts to speak again. 

Meera- You were always there for us. For the family. But we couldn't be there for you. We left you all alone. [Her voice shivers here.] I want someone prioritizes you, which I couldn't do. I want someone hears your unspoken cries and needs. I am not going to live forever and I don't want you to sacrifice your entire life for your siblings. I want you to have someone on whom you can rely. I want you to have someone of your own. I want you to get the love that you deserve.

Saying this, Meera kisses Priya's head and her hand. Her tears fall on Priya. Priya wanted to hug her, she wanted to pacify her mother. But there was a lump in her throat. She couldn't move a bit. 

Priya never accused her mother of what she has faced in life. But deep inside her heart, little Priya has always cried for her mother's protection, favor, and support. Over time, little Priya stopped crying. And accepted these struggles as her own. But today, that little Priya was awoken & she couldn't stop crying. 

Before leaving the room, Meera stands at the door. In her mind, she says, 

"I have failed you as a mother, Priya. 

If possible, please forgive me."