You Are Mine: Teen Marriage 🔞

97. Horny

In the afternoon I was relaxing  a little while reading a book, when Jungkook came and sat beside me… I smiled at him, he replied back….

Jungkook- i think we should talk…

I closed my book, don’t know what but if he wants to talk, then i have to…

Yn- about what??

Jungkook- two things… one about your father…

I sighed..

Yn- i don’t know what to talk about…

Jungkook held my hand…. And rubbed his thumb on the back of my hand..

Jungkook- i know you may not like to hear that, but when you were drunk.. You talked a lot about your father…

Yn- i did??? What did I say??

Jungkook- the way his death affected you in childhood, and how you decided not to think about him and focus on work.. 

Yn sighed- I guess that is true… I didn't want to think about him… i was so miserable and sad, and i knew no matter how sad i am, he is not going to come back, and what is the meaning of feeling sad and unhappy for no reason at all??

Jungkook- so you decided to stop thinking about him and forget him altogether??

Yn- yes… I did.. And it helped me… I don't remember him at all now..

Jungkook chuckled- but baby.. You don’t understand.. You think you forgot him, but that is not the truth, you didn’t process the loss… so he is inside of you all the time, and you choose to ignore it.. So it comes out when you are drunk.. 

Yn- what do you mean??

Jungkook- I mean that you didn’t process the loss of your father.. Because he died so many years ago, he shouldn’t be a part of your life now.. But see how big of a part he is in your life.. Like when you drank, the first thing you spoke was about your father.. And the personality that you have right now, is all bcz of him, to forget him.. And you are pretending you don’t think about him, but the truth is he is affecting your life all the time.. 

Yn- okay.. But this is really who I am.. Although I may have started pretending at that time, now this is really who I am.. I don’t need to pretend anymore or distract anymore, this has become me… and again the people that love me, are with me, i have so many things to think about, you, mom, your parents, julie, my career, i really don’t think about his death now…

Jungkook smiled- I know.. That you don’t think about anymore.. But you are repeating this pattern of ignoring stuff that hurts you, by not processing the emotions you felt about the information about your mom and dad’s relationship last night…

I was shocked.. He is true.. But I don't know how I feel about it.. I don’t know if I feel anything at all.. Like I feel numb, no feelings at all.. How to process something you don’t feel…

Yn- but how to do that?? Like I don't feel anything, it feels like just a void, I just don’t feel anything… 

Jungkook sighed- I think you should talk.. To me or maybe to your friends, and if you want you can go to therapy and talk to some professional.. What feels good to you.. 

Yn- therapy???

Jungkook- ya.. Bcz i am your husband, and i will always be a part of your life, same for friends, and family.. So if you don’t wanna share anything too personal with the people you know too well, you can talk to a professional, who will never judge you.. 

Yn- i guess so… I think I can at least try.. 

Jungkoook smiled while squishing my palm..

Yn- i mean, i can at least make an appointment and then visit once, to see how it works… and it isn’t something that is bad to do, i know i will feel better by doing it..