Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 107: Nightmares Come True Part 4

The time has come.... NOW, now very carefully with the help of the nurses I am holding Tony, Frankie and James....my precious newborns whom my beloved and sadly asleep Honeybee can't SEE. It's heartbreaking as fuck to say the least, I hear tears.... every present tear around me, I feel them run down my face and really, they haven't truly stopped what feels like a lifetime ago, but I THINK was the morning. I hope this warms Nikki.... his skin, so pale....so cold....

"Nikki.... NIKKI.... open your eyes." I beg, as my new Born's emit tiny cries and whimpers, they KNOW something is wrong, "—Open those beautiful eyes.... oh...babe, I gotta tell you they are beautiful. So beautiful."

These nights, these days......i wasn't lying Nikki, when I said the sweetest dream would never do, because baby I'd still miss you. I miss holding you.... the way you feel, your body molding to mine and yet.... yet, I can only love you even more for this. The hell you've been thru, that you are going thru.... I'm never giving up on you, I never have and never ever will.

Gradually Tony, James and Frankie....one child a mini-me, one another clone.... a beautiful reminder of Nikki, and one a blend of us both.... gradually they drift off and I with help am settled in a chair, holding the three of them.... Josephine and Amara at my sides and its me and all five of my children. Together we are in our own world....and the murmurs and the tears and even picture taking of our family fade away.

"Daddy?" Josephine hesitates, worried I can tell what she's about to say will hurt me.

"Honey, it's OK to ask.... mommy and I always tell you to say what's on your mind even if it hurts." I remind her tearfully.

"Do I have....to go back to school? I can't.... mommy.... mommy...." She is very quickly starting to panic, and I hold her, not with my arms.... but my words and my heart, Amara wrapping her little arms around Josephine attempting to calm her.

"Josephine Nicole Perry.... breathe......breathe...." telling both her and me, "I know it hurts.... but I promise you, ain't giving up on mommy or you or your sister and brother's. we will get thru this, though right now it doesn't feel like it. And Josephine?" She looks up at me, it really striking me how VERY much her expression reminds me of Nikki. "---As for school? Daddy's gonna take care of that. we've been thru so much over the past year. Our family NEEDS a break, so school daddy is gonna talk to them and you don't have to go back for the rest of this school year, you can do it from home...." My voice cracks, "- Or here. Its what your mommy would want, and I have another idea, when.... mommy wakes up and is fully recovered I think it would be healing for our family to spend time in Boston for a while."

Again, I hear Nikki in my head now and I swear it sounds like he's right next to me, 'I am proud of you Joe, proud to be yours...to be by your side. You always surprise me, in the best ways. Never doubt how amazing father and husband you are. Thank you for always saving me, you save my life every day.'

'I will, always.... always, save you Nikki. You talk about how magical I am, when I argue its YOU. I love you.' I answer him back and I KNOW my husband can hear my thoughts, he KNOWS.

All five of my children are calm and I hold them and I never wanna let them go and I wish so damn bad, Nikki could truly see them.... Eventually, the nurses take them....and I break down. And I did make sure Amara and Josephine got to spend time with them and the tears, oh the tears they keep coming.

Somehow, I keep going, I keep going for NIKKI.... for my family, deciding with Josephine's school. Time passes and yet last forever until reality crashes in, when it gets to be close to dinner time getting later and I am torn on what to do. The rest of my family at large had left not too long ago, but I know they will help our family out....and the only ones that remain are Johnny Depp and Alice Cooper and Johnny sensing I need a moment share's a look with Alice as he keeps the girls occupied while Alice talks to me.

"I can tell you're freaking out on what to do. I can only imagine how you truly feel. You've been thru hell today especially, and you are going thru hell with Nikki I know. You're not alone in this.... i mean you welcomed me into your family, we became friends. As for Nikki? What do you think he would tell you right now if he could?"

It takes me a moment to respond, my eyes wide and I can feel myself tremble. I close my eyes and think, hearing NIKKI....

'Joe, I know you hate this.... being 'apart' but we are never truly apart. Its not ideal, it sucks ass, but I know you will come back to me. I will see you in my dreams until I see you with my own eyes. We can do this.... we can, it's not easy but I know you've got me.'

I take a deep breath, sighing heavily mixed in with my tears. "He'd tell me that I would come back to him, he knows.... that it sucks, that it hurts but he knows I've got him. I just.... feel guilty, it's hard not too of what I put him thru and.... what happened.... god, I mean it's hard not to blame myself. But again, Nikki would tell me it was worth it, that it IS because it brought us our children....my three precious miracles and our precious older children."

"That's your heart talking, from what I know of your husband.... he'd be proud of you; hell, I know damn well he is. You may have very well have saved his life today, which I know you've done before. I heard you saved your youngest daughter; you're doing and have done everything you can." Alice is very much right, and I know what I need to do now.

I alert nurses, telling them I will be back tomorrow unless I am needed sooner than that and to tell me about how Nikki is doing, and how Tony, Frankie, and James are doing and they agree to do so, them promising to do everything they can to keep me updated.... Johnny and Alice stay with me, I need the support while I gather Josephine and Amara to me....

"Let's go home, daddy's gonna take care of you two. We will take care of each other, and I'll fix something to eat and tomorrow we will come back and see mommy, we will see him every day. We're going thru so much right now, but we will get thru this and before we go, we'll see your brothers and sister and say something to mommy, ok?"

Two little nods and of course Nikki's little clone, his oldest one.... OUR oldest daughter says, "Ok Daddy...." Her lips tremble but her gaze is knowing, reminding me so much of her dear mother. "Mommy loves you daddy and me, and Mara, Tony, James and Frankie so much. Mommy proud of you daddy, I am too. We be together even when apart."

We did each of us talk to Nikki, letting him know how much we loved him, and we would see him that night in our dreams, that always he was with us. We also saw Tony, James, And Frankie me making sure they were ok before at last for then heading home. We all cried, we cried together.... Nikki and the triplets on our minds and in our hearts. I can tell you it wasn't easy going home, echoes of Nikki everywhere and the never-ending tears....and that night I would have a bad nightmare about the birth of my youngest children, but I wasn't alone. However, before we get to that.... you will see me at home with my oldest girls and that is all I will say for now.... well maybe just one more thing: I would or rather we would come up with special things, my eldest and I that we wanted to do or make special for Nikki and for the triplets.

A/N: The Perry family has had one hell of a day, but they have each other no matter what. Things wont be easy for a bit, but they have so much love and support to get them thru.