Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 106: Nightmares Come True Part 3

This has been the longest and worst day of my life......well one of sadly many. My 'parents'.... god, it hurt. I did what needed to be done.... I TOLD them, I stood up for Nikki and my family and I meant every damn word. Now the pain, grows.... everything up in the air, so much suffering.... It's hard to breathe. Nikki, what would I do without you? I feel so lost Honeybee....so lost, but then I am reminded that you are ALIVE that still I have you and I have our children...all five.

I wish I could let the pain of nearly losing you Nikki, GO. You died again....and I feel it's my fault for breaking my promise, that this happened......but again I remember what I have always told you, 'No matter where you are in the world, I will find my way to you and always our two hearts are one.'

I am broken out of my deep thoughts, by 2 tearful cries.... little voices I'd know anywhere and the precious and scared owners of those voices.... i scoop them up in my arms, not wanting to let them go....

"Daddy! A-Are the b-bad people...g-gone?" Josephine shakes, breaking my heart and boiling my blood as to the cause, as IF she wasn't going thru enough hell today.

"Yes baby.... they're gone. Daddies gonna make sure they can NEVER come near any of us again." I answer her, burying my face in her untamable hair, just like Nikki's.

"D-Daddy.... I want.... mommies wake up! And bad people scawe(scare) me" Amara wails and I attempt to soothe her and her sister both really.

"Amara look AT me, both you and your sister...." Two sets of tear & pain filled eyes meet mine, "—Amara I know you do, I do too. God, I want him to be awake, sadly he may well be asleep for a while and we're going thru so much but mommy needs us, and we need each other. this I ain't gonna lie is gonna be hard to see him like this, but honey I am telling you mommy will be dreaming of us all. And Amara? Josephine? I hate they scared you; they scared me.... made me so angry and it hurts. Daddy promises you no lie, they wont hurt you or us again. I love you; I love you and mommy...." My voice cracks," and your new siblings more than my life."

Amara finally begins to calm down, the tears don't stop but she for now calms, both her and Josephine do. I am vaguely aware of the others and now a nurse telling me its time, time to at last see my newborns who are in the NICU but will be bought to Nikki's room......and I follow, to overcome to form words holding Amara ...while Josephine holds my free hand.

I blink and we arrive....and I stop short, choking out in a breathless sob.... feeling myself and my oldest girl's tremble.

"NIKKI...."

Looking deathly pale, chest rising and falling in a slow rhythm and if it wasn't for the beeping of the machines.... right now.... god I can't say it, it HURTS. Hooked to oxygen, receiving blood.... 1001 wires. I never imagined it would HURT even more than it does, seeing him lying here like this. My mind reeling now in shock, but I have two frightened little girls in my arms....and three children shared with the stunning fallen angel lying here to soon see and right now, I can't MOVE.

NO! Nikki needs you, you're children need you......and I hear, I swear Nikki's voice in my head now, 'Jo-Jo Bear you don't always have to be so strong. I know you wanna take care of everything and everyone, its one of many things I love about you......but I am here, HERE to be your strength when you have none. You've taught me that, we've taught each other and my heart and yours are forever entwined. Remember I wouldn't go thru all this, for anyone but YOU. You're my soulmate....my soulmate, and I will see you in my dreams until I can see you again with my own eyes.'

I come back to myself to realize that I am now standing before Nikki leaning over him and am aware that Josephine and Amara are right there, clinging to my legs but gently I rest my forehead against Nikki's, whispering to him....

"I'm here Nikki.... I'm here.... i Miss you so much, so much.... feels like a lifetime since I last saw you and heard your voice. But.... I hear your voice in my head and in my heart. I am sorry babe, I'm sorry I broke my promise......thought I know it's not my fault. Thank you for going thru all this and I love you babe, never fucking giving up on you and soon.... soon they are bringing the three precious angels you've carried for 8 months."

Gently I manage to kiss is forehead before kissing his lips, biting back a sob as he doesn't respond back, but STILL, I feel him. and I wipe away his tears and mine......

Weakly I sit down, Josephine and Amara in tow......us clinging to one another, and everyone.... I am aware is with me, I am not alone. The nurse explains that I need to wash my hands, everyone does thoroughly and what is needed to be done for the triplets to have skin to skin bonding with Nikki and soon is gone.

"Thank you.... for being here for my—my family." I manage to address said family, everyone's faces a mix of sorrow, determination, and love. "—I can't do this alone." I add on.

"Perry, I think I speak for all of us when I say, we're family......it's what we do. And you wont have to do all this on your own, any of it. Anything you need, anything you're kids or Nikki needs.... any time, day or night, I mean that." Steven is still very much right, he is right.... I know that. but fuck if this doesn't hurt....and this all this pain.... this day is a fucking nightmare, tinged with bittersweet.

Soon, before I realize.... before we all realize we hear strange sounds rising above the tears we all share and my eyes widen as far as they fill go, when I see and hear three squirming and tiny bundles....my heart full and heavy both....

So small, so small.... yet so damn beautiful. My heart is heavy for them, for nearly losing their mother, for them to be hooked to countless wires.... but again, never and I never have seen a more beautiful sight.

Soon Frankie, Tony and James are before me....and everyone sets back so my girls and I can gather around, having somewhere in this have hands thoroughly washed.

Now I can look upon my children, and I realize Frankie.... Frankie is pure Nikki in looks, her little eyes open and land on me, as do her brothers and I find myself speaking....

"Hello, Frankie Chiara Perry.... daddy is.... i am your daddy, its....so amazing to meet you officially. You look just like mommy, but you have my eyes. Mommy would love that, mommy LOVES you...." and then I turn to my sons, and I see one is pure me in looks from hair to his little face.... save for the eyes, "You feel like Anthony Joseph Perry, mommy wanted to name you after me...your father. Welcome to this world Tony." A pause and my other son, I feel looks like Nikki and I both, "Hey James.... James Roman Perry. You are perfect.... all five of my children are. You are so loved....so very loved and you are so beautiful. I promise I will take care of you all, get you well and that mommy will get well."

"Mommy.... Can mommy hear us? And babies?" Josephine asks, and it's like Nikki is looking up at me wide eyed and tearful.

"He can, no lie.... I swear no lie." I tell her.

"Tony, James and Frankie so pretty daddy....and...and this hurts lots and lots with mommy, but mommy is proud of you. Mommy always says me, Mara' and now babies are here cause of you." Josephine's words floor me, move me and they very much ring true.

"Daddy.... babies tiny.... Weawwy small but pweety.... they get bigger wight? And can mommy, see?" Amara asks, as I hold her and her older sister close.

"They are small.... you and Josephine both were and yes baby they are pretty and will get bigger....and mommy.... mommy CAN see, I know he can in his dreams until he can see us again awake......now, let's get your brothers and sisters to mommy." Looking down at her and Josephine and glancing back at Nikki....

Nikki, I know you can see our newborns in your dreams.... that I have no doubt, still it KILLS me for you to not SEE them with your own eyes, eyes that I very much miss......Remember, the sweetest dream would never do, cause I'd miss you baby, and I don't wanna miss a thing....

A/N: Officially we've met the triplets, poor Joe, Josephine and Amara. Next chapter the babies will have skin to skin with Nikki and more.