Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 110: Screaming in the Night Part 2

I've been murmuring to my Nikki, touching some part of him and REFUSING to let go. Not that anyone can blame me on that. I've been kissing him, anything and everything to calm him and again time has no meaning here......it's taken I don't know how long nor does it fucking matter. He is at last much calmer; his vitals are stable, and I thank GOD he is still HERE.....he is still HERE.

They tell me, the Doctor's and nurses that there is sadly no way of knowing just how long Nikki will be in his coma, but likely it will very sadly be a while. He's already been checked for any possible brain damage and thankfully there is NONE.... very damn bitter-sweet though, for Nikki is here but not HERE. Too I am told, that Tony.... James & little Frankie get or have gotten nourishment from Nikki but not directly from him since they are still on oxygen and all, its pumped apparently. I thank them, my eyes never leaving Nikki's form and then it's just he and I, my heart lying all too still before me and the tears renew themselves as I break down, holding desperately to Nikki's hand....

"N-Nikki.... Nikki...." I try to form words, only managing to get out his name......i look up to see tears roll slowly down his cheeks, which gently I wipe away despite my own and God is my heart heavy, "—O-Oh Honeybee, I am so fuckin' scared. I thought.... i thought I was gonna lose you again.... this HURTS....and I hate to see you cry, but still baby I am HERE. I came running for you, for I will always, and I mean always find my way to you...."

Gently I kiss him and swallow a sob, because he doesn't respond back, and I am so exhausted, high on adrenaline.... just a mixture of things. I take a deep breath, a shaky one before I find my voice again and tell my husband.... about my nightmares, feeling & knowing he can hear me somehow......

Telling him when he does wake.... god, that will be hard. THIS.... Right here, right now is hard. Either way it hurts like HELL, but as heart breaking as it is.... Nikki would want me to be honest with him, we want and always open to one another.

Again, I hear the echo of my honeybee's words, 'tell me no matter how much it hurts. I've got you, Joe....and God do I know you have me.'

"I Saw......you DIE Nikki. Your overdose, the trail of blood leading to your closet...I... I.... found you, everything.... every fucking moment felt SO real and baby, you were GONE. V-Vanished like a puff of smoke in my arms, I remember......still do the feeling of agony.... and....and then.... there was the car ride.... oh GOD...." I pause, and close my eyes a moment trying to find my breath, and, in the moment, I again see the blood of my beloved before the fog clears and I rambling, sobbing continues, "---Again baby, it felt too real.....the fear, the look we shared as if it was our last....the blood, you covered...me covered....and Frankie...Frankie, I didn't hear her cry....she IS alive baby, I promise you....but....still it killed me....all of this does.....and....and, I woke Amara and Josephine....scared them...." Again, I pause, looking at Nikki stroking his face and doing my best to wipe away the tear tracks upon his face....

"---Josephine.... blamed herself.... she reminds me....so much of you Nikki, so much and now we have Frankie.... she too is your clone, and I love that......but, still despite them being scared shitless, the guilt I feel.... that I felt, STILL they came to me...comforted me, we held each other. and God babe, I am SO proud of them, and I know you are too. Then the hospital called, and I ran to you.... i ran to you, you needed me.... though, I feared....and still do, losing you honeybee. But I still have you, and we.... We can get through this together. We can."

I talk, and talk.... talk of our history together, our highs.... our lows, everything and I tell him I will never rest.... again, this reminding me of several years ago, until my light is once again healed and, in my arms......I look up at one point to see it is still dark and I whisper, "Babe.... I'll be right back to you. Gonna go check on Tony, James and Frankie.... I love you Nikki-Perry Sixx. I love you and our children, all five more than my life...." Gently I kiss his lips and I shrug off very carefully, arranging it to where it doesn't hurt Nikki or disturb him...upon him to keep him safe and warm....a way of me holding him.....and I make my way towards the NICU and soon am before my children, resting my head against the glass looking upon them, they are sleeping....and they are restless and so I talk to them and I get the feeling that just like their mother, they can hear me somehow.....

"—Hey, daddy's here.... I'm here, & I know things right now are strange, and so scary. I know you know mommy is sleeping.... that something is wrong, but I swear to you, my three precious angels......we're gonna get thru this. Mommy......mommy, will get better in time, daddy will make sure & so will you 3. Never doubt how loved you are, you 3 & your older sisters and mommy are my absolute worlds. I ain't gonna give up until mommy wakes up, till he heals & the same goes for you......I......." I break down & continue somehow, "—I thought I... I almost lost him, lost your ma.... AGAIN, and I thought I was gonna lose you. I guess what I am trying to say is, each moment.... I will fight for you, I will fight for your sisters, your mommy and more than that I will love you always. One more thing: you have.... are getting the greatest mother I have ever known, and I know he's dreaming of us all."

They calm, and settle.....relieving me greatly, still those tears flow and for a while longer I linger, watching over my children......wishing all five of my babies were together before I at last make my way back to Nikki, and I stagger at how silent the room is other than the beeps of the machines....it kills me to see my heart lying so still, and I lean down and kiss him....swallowing a sob, or trying to before letting it out and then I take my husband's cold hand, to warm him and I talk....telling him of our children.....telling him of the special things I have in mind for him and all five of our children and more time passes and suddenly I realize dawn is breaking and I hear the echo of my honeybee's words in my head.....

'Sunrises in LA, nothing like them......a new day, new possibilities......Joe, you taught me that light can be found even in darkness.... you Joe, you are MY light.... you and our children.... never forget that.'

I never did forget those words; he'd said them to me many times over the years starting after our reunion just after his overdose 'death' in 87. I will go head and tell you; some days will pass, and I would continue to fight.... for Nikki, for our children....to love them & would throw myself into my family projects to try and distract myself from my pain. It wasn't easy, especially when night came.... still, my extended family rallied around me, Nikki and our children.

A/N: Things are hard for the Perry Family, but they have so much love and support and with time they will get through this, more to come soon!