365 days of Darkness // Z.M.

Day 7

July 29th, 2009

That day went pretty slow. I was kind of excited to "go out" again. I haven't happened since a whole week. It may seems not that big but, in that time, I was hanging out a lot. Almost everyday or two. So I was happy. I told my mom and she said it was OK. 

I didn't really prepared myself for the party. I just changed my day clothes for an other set of it. A pair of black short with a grey sweater. And I added my cap and I was ready. I kissed my mom goodbye and then I walked up to the public space. There was already a good atmosphere when I get into the room. And a lot of people. I was kind of shy. A lot of them were drinking. And they looked way older then me. I was just fifteen by that time. Everyone seemed like... Eighteen maybe. Even more sometimes. 

- Zayn ! I heard behind the loud music.

I turned around, to see Alexis, a huge smile in her face. She pointed a guy, who had a beer in his hand.

- You want some ? She asked, now just in front of me. 

- Not my kind of thing, I said.

- Not mine neither.

I laughed a bit, without knowing what was funny. It was just... The moment I think. The song changed, it was one of those on my sister's cellphone.

- Oh ! That's my jam ! Alexis said, grabbing my hand. Dance with me !

She made me follow her until we were outside, where a punch of people were dancing. And drinking at the same time, it probably was kind of hard to do. Alexis started to jump all around, so I did the same. I didn't though about anything. It was just... Fun. A good time with a good girl. She presented me to her friends after that dance. There was Andy, Jenna, Marcus and Bingo. I didn't ask why it was his name, I was way too shy. But it made me laugh and I couldn't explain why. So Alexis joined me, which made me feel better. It was weird to laugh all alone, with a punch of people who knows each other looking at you the way they did. After that awkward moment, everything went well. We talked a lot. It was fun.

The night was pretty advanced when it became strange. I didn't know right away what changed, but I was feeling it. And becoming nervous. Then I saw it. This tall guy was having his small bag of powder. Nothing big, but just enough to make me freak out. He was coming closer and closer to us. Then he was literally a part of the circle we were doing. 

- Who bought me some ? He asked, showing his bag.

- I did, said that guy, Bingo.

- I did too, added Marcus.

- I'll do it next time. For both of us, told Andy, holding Jenna by the hip.

- You still need to give me my stock from last week, Alexis said with in a tough tone.

- You have money ? The new guy said, looking right into my eyes. 

I kind of froze. I didn't know what to do. They were all looking at me. 

- I already have my stock.

What a lie, though. I didn't had any stock. I just didn't wanted to pass for the straight guy who never did a thing. The guy left and Alexis looked at me. And she smiled. She knew. She clearly knew. She took my hand and whispered in my hear that it was Okay not to do drugs. That I didn't had to do some to be a part of the gang. This made me smile. A lot. 

I went back to the tent, it was pretty late. Or maybe pretty early. I can't clearly remember what time it was. I just went into my sleeping bag and felt immediately. Like that. I had a great night. And I didn't thought about my life in Bradford. Which was nice. 

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Hiiiii ! So... That was it for today, what are you thinking ?