365 days of Darkness // Z.M.

Day 78

October 8th, 2009

The pain went back that morning. Even worst than it was before. I went through the day like a zombie, because I was fighting not to show that I was hurt. I went to all of my classes, I stared at the black board in front of the room, I took notes. I didn't draw. It was abnormal, for me. But Derek's insult was still in my mind. Drawing was for girls... Talking about him, he laughed at me again as I stepped into the cafeteria to get my lunch. I bit the inside of my cheek, so no one would have been able to know that I wanted to cry. I was keeping that in the inside. It was hard, but I did it. I did not cry. I ate at my locker, in silence. And I then went to my classes, again, Doing stuff like a robot. Robot doesn't show they're hurt because they aren't. So I tried to act like one. I was a shit, I need to say. Because I was feeling stuff. I was feeling them so damn deep in my heart. 

At the end of the day, I went to my locker and put everything in my bag. I then put it on my shoulder and walked out of the school with my music playing in my ears. I had to pick up Safaa after school. It wasn't a bad thing at all, probably the only good one in that day. That's what I taught until I saw some blonde couple walking in front of me in the street. I recognized them easily. Long straight hair swinging in the girl's back and an overconfident posture for the guy. I bit my lip when I saw them holding hands. It was Eli and Derek, if you didn't knew yet. I could hear her soft voice, her kind laugh and the special way she had to say some words. 

I continued my way, but they were going at the same place than me. So I just looked down all the way up to school and did like it was alright, like it wasn't hurting at all. But it was. Again and again, I was hurting and it was my only fault. As I get to the school, Derek and Eli and separated their ways, there was only her in front of me. She didn't even realized I was there until Safaa ran in my arms, screaming my name. I hold her tight and saw Elizabeth over her shoulder. She was waiting for her brother and staring at me. With a dark look I had never saw her. I turned around and started to walk home. Safaa was laughing, because she said that I was holding her like she was a baby.

- You're my baby, I replied and she laughed a bit more. 

I focused on that. On Safaa's laugh. It was so beautiful. The most beautiful thing in the world. And if it was only about me, it wouldn't had stop. Never. But I'm not God, so it stopped, after a bit. And my smile faded away.

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What do you think about that ? I've got some ideas, after their week-end.. Not sure you'll like them !