365 days of Darkness // Z.M.

Day 183

January 21th, 2010

I remember that day as the day I really started to fight. That day, I woke up and looked to my reflection in the mirror of the small bathroom. I told myself that I could do it. Not only made the others believe it but really getting better. I wanted to prove everyone wrong. I was ready to fight. 

I'll never really know where I found the strength to fight. I can't help but have a corner in my mind telling me that it's Alexis. That Alexis was my strength. I just... I just don't want to believe that right now. Too painful. 

Anyway, I don't want to remember that part and you don't want to know. Not now. 

I went out of my room and, for the first time since I was there, I smiled to Kate. I even called her by her name in my head, not "my nurse". I was doing progress, I was getting better, I was fighting to get better, to get out of this place. She was surprised by that, but she didn't let it show for more than a seconde. We walked, her behind me, up to the cafeteria. For once, I ate. Like, really ate. I took two muffins, some eggs and a chocolate milk. In only a few minutes, my plate was empty. It made Kate pretty happy to see that. 

After getting dressed, I went in the living room and sat on one of the couches. I was discovering the room, like everything was new to me. Everything seemed more colorful, more... I can't tell. It was just different. I spent a while in there, just staring at everything, watching a bit of TV and learning that the world was still on. It was... Maybe not great, but near that. Just by convincing myself that I was better actually made me better. 

- Is there something like a gym in there ? I asked, my voice rough sounding way too loud.

Kate was surprised to hear my voice. I had never talked to anyone except Dr. Jefferson, Alexis and Liam in there. She nodded, her face in shock. I knew it was a lot for a day. It was for me. I wanted to change and I was willing to do anything to just go back to my normal life, before everything felt apart. 

I followed the nurse all over the complex, until we reached a small room, full of training machine. I quickly spotted a running one and I let a shy smile took place on my face. 

- This is all yours, Kate said as she was taking place on a chair in the corner of the room.

I was glad I had put some running shoes on in the morning and sport clothes. I climbed on the running machine and put it on. I felt freedom coming from all over as I started to run. I didn't realized before how much I had missed that. The feeling of the ground under my feet. The feeling of just trying to be better. 

I was in my way to get better.

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Yesterday's entry everyone ! Kind of like it, with the thing with the actual Zayn at the beginning, before getting back into the story... Anywayyyy ! Posting again in an hour or so !