365 days of Darkness // Z.M.

Day 38

August 29th, 2009

Last day of summer. Last day before getting back to school. I remember how I felt. I was feeling alone. I knew there was a huge party, probably at Eli's house. She was always doing one, with Mark. Two people I wasn't friend with anymore... I started at my wall for almost an hour or so. I knew I was still invited, but no one would like to see me there. So... I didn't know what to do. 

I first went to see Mister O'Neill. He seemed pretty happy to see me, he talked a lot. About everything, as he always did. I stayed there until it was time for him to eat. Because I couldn't and I knew it would make me hungry. So I went back home. When I heard Waliyha talking on the phone in her room about a party, I knew what I would do that night. I'd go to Eli's party. 

I changed my clothes and spent almost half an hour in front of the mirror, trying to comb my hair correctly. Finally, it was as bad as the start, but I put my cap on, so nobody would see it anyway. With my dark jeans and my black t-shirt, no one would probably took care of me. So, I only told my mom that I was hanging out with some friends, which wasn't such a lie. Only... It wasn't my friends anymore. 

I walked alone in the streets, stressing a bit. I was surely about to see Elizabeth. I didn't knew how she would react or anything else. I didn't knew why I was going there, neither. I hadn't found an answer when I get to the door, opening it without knocking. By the way, with the music, no one would have ear me. I went inside, looking everywhere. I knew most of the people, I saw them in the corridors, last year. Things like that. I struggled to go outside, where a punch of people were jumping in the pool, at the same time. Splashing everything around. I was around. Nice. 

I had been there for more than two hours and I hadn't saw Eli, nor Mark. They were probably somewhere else, with some friends better than me. I was about to leave, when I saw something familiar. It was Elizabeth. All I could see was her. Dancing. And then... I saw with who. I wanted to scream, it was exactly like in my dream. She was dancing with Derek. And he was holding her tight. She laughed and I felt my heart going down. Down and down. I could almost feel the tears coming into my eyes. Seeing this scene, in reality, was even worst than in my nightmare. It was... I can't even describe how bad it was. But just imagine your heart being ripped off your chest and being threw out off a window on the sixth floor, then being crushed by a ten-wheeler... you're still far from reality. I don't even wish you to feel that way. I almost ran to the door, because it was too hard to handle. And, just thinking that I'd had to see that for the next ten months... I wanted to scream. 

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