365 days of Darkness // Z.M.

Day 150

December 19th, 2009

I went to see Safaa that day. She was looking sick. Like... Really sick. It was getting worst and worst each passing day and I knew that everything would end soon. I was hoping it would, because seeing my little sister like that... It was way too much to handle for me. 

Everyone was in the room. Doniya, Waliyha and I came at the same time, Doniya had drove. My Mom was there too, she never really left since the diagnostic. I was making myself small, sitting in to corner of the room, staring at my sister. She was looking so small and fragile, in that big bed... They added a machine next to the bed, leading to Safaa. It was worrying me a lot, but I did like everything was normal, like everything could get back to normal. But I knew it wouldn't. 

After a while, the girls get out to eat something. I told them that I was okay, I wasn't hungry at all. And I needed some time alone with Safaa. I grabbed a pen in my bag and get up, walking until I was able to sit on the edge of the bed. She saw the pen and took it from my head, smiling. I knew it was supposed to be a soothing thing, but it wasn't. Her eyes weren't lighting up as usual and she had deep blue circles around them. 

- Give me your arms, she said while sitting more comfortably on the mattress. 

I gave it to her, both of them. The butterflies she drew the last time were about to disappeared. She put the pen tip and she started to draw. It wasn't as confident as usual, the lines were shaking a bit. I knew she was doing her best and, when she finished, I put my sleeves down and kissed her forehead. I was about to get up and she grabbed me by my sweater. 

- Stay by my side, please...

Her voice was so low and soft, I couldn't say no to that. So I put the pen into the pocket of my jeans and laid next to my sister. She put her head against my chest and grabbed my hand. This was heartbreaking. She wanted to live, she really wanted too... But I could saw the life getting out of her, more and more each day. It was breaking her, but it was breaking me too. 

The girls came back into the room and Safaa felt asleep. She was hugging me pretty tight, considering of her strength. I couldn't move, and I didn't wanted to. My Mom looked at us like it was the most beautiful thing in the world, yet the most heartbreaking one too. I saw with the corner of my eyes that both of my sisters were holding her. We all knew what would come soon. But no one was saying a thing. I think that they were like me. They weren't ready to face the hard truth. 

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So, what do you think about that one ? For myself, I think it's not so bad, yet... Not so good neither. 

Tell me what you guys think !