365 days of Darkness // Z.M.

Day 84

October 14th, 2009

I woke up in my bed, I still don't have any ideas of how I make it. I just remember that I was on the bathroom and then... I was in my bed, the next morning. I had still my clothes of the day before, my white shirt was a total scrap. I sat on the mattress, looking down to my wrists. I had two marks on the left one. They were still red and a bit hurting. I wiped my eyes, just in case I had cried while sleeping. But it didn't happened. I get up and changed my clothes, trying not to touch what I had did the night before. I hided it into the sleeve of my college outfit and I grabbed my bag on the floor. Ready to an other bad day. I didn't knew that that day would be even worst than what I had taught. 

It started at the middle of my third period. History. My name was called on the interphone and I put my bad over my shoulder and walked up to the secretary. When I entered, I first saw Waliyha. Why the two of us needed to be there at the same time was the first question that came into my mind. After, I saw the social worker from the school. At then end, I noticed my mom on the corner of the room, crying. I didn't knew what was happening but it broke my heart. 

- Mom... What's happening ? I asked, coming near her. 

- Take... Take a seat Zayn.

She said that between two waves of crying, getting a tissue out of her purse. She tried to hid that she was crying and... It just hurt so damn much. I grabbed my injured wrist, looking for something to happen. It was stressing me out. 

- I can't tell them... My mom said, looking to the social worker. 

He nodded and sat on his desk, staring at me and my sister. And, as he opened his mouth, I knew that it wasn't good news at all. I knew everything would change. 

- It's about Safaa.

My heart stopped and I wasn't breathing anymore. I was scared, so damn scared... She had been out with the parents for the week-end and I hadn't really been home since then. So I was just so damn worried. 

- She's in final phase. For... Cancer. I know it...

I didn't let him finish, I get up and grabbed my bag on the floor, putting it back on my shoulder. And I ran. I get out of the office, running all over the hallway. Tears were rushing down my face, it was pretty heavy. 

- Wow, you're tears man ? Someone asked behind me.

I would have recognized that voice between everything. Derek's one. I don't know what he was doing there, the class wasn't finished until a good fifteen minutes, at least.

- JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP !

I screamed than and ran again, up to the exit. After, I took the direction of the hospital, I knew she was there. I was sure. I was barely breathing when I entered the hall of the building. I came to the office, wiping my eyes and trying to stop crying. 

- May I help you ? Asked the woman behind her computer, looking worried. 

- In... In which room is Safaa Malik ?

- Just a minute.

I used that minute to breath a bit, trying to calm down. But it was impossible to do. 

- She's in exams, she'll be...

- What's her room ? I asked again, biting my lip not to cry even more. 

- She'll be back in an hour, probably.

- I'm her brother, can you just... Please...

- You're not allowed to be in her room while she's doing exams.

- Please, I... I...

I couldn't finished, my heart broke a bit more. I just wanted to be in that stupid room, to be there when she'd came back from those stupids exams. 

- 553.

- Thanks...

I ran upstairs, and it seemed like such a long time. I went into the room, my heart falling in pieces when I saw that the bed was missing. I sat on the small couch on the corner of the room, staring at the door. Waiting for it to open so I could see my little sister. 

It happened after a long time. The door opened and a nurse brought the bed back, my sister on it. When she saw me, she smiled so damn lightly that I couldn't help but started to cry again. The woman left after being sure that everything was OK and I ran up to the bed. I took place next to Safaa, my head on her small shoulder. And I cried, I cried a lot. I don't think she was understanding everything, because she was hugging me and asking what was happening. 

- I love you Saf... I love you so much...

- I love you too Zayn... Don't cry, I don't like when you cry...

- I can't stop... I don't want you to be sick Saf...

- I'm OK Zayn... Don't worry !

And I knew by the tone that she used that she knew. She knew she was sick. And it broke my heart even harder to see that she had to be strong like that at such a young age. I hold her tight, just as she does. And it was just that for a while. Just the two of us. 

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I'm sorry everyone for Safaa ! But it's planed since the veryyyy beginning of the fiction ! I hope you still like me !

*Long entry, but it's an important one !