365 days of Darkness // Z.M.

Day 1

July 23th, 2009

- I can't do it anymore. 

That was it. I just said that. She nodded and bit her lips. I saw the tears in her green eyes but I didn't do anything. She smiled with a sad laugh and then, she passed her hand in her long blond hair. 

- I love you, you know ?

It was my turn to nod. She turned around. But I saw that tear. I knew she had try to hide it to me. She was like that. One year later, I still don't know why I didn't ran after her. I should, I really should have run after her. I went back home, my hands in my pocket. I was trying to tell myself I did the right thing. We just... We couldn't stay together anymore. Rain started and I laugh. Kind of weird. It fitted my mood. Maybe she taught I was happy to leave her. But I was not. It was just way too hard to handle. Elisabeth wasn't like every girl. In fact... Yes, but not for me. And maybe not for her best friend neither. They had those weird kind of conversation that could make feel anyone a stranger. And he was always there. I never told her, I knew he was important to her. Maybe I should. I don't know. By the way, it's not that important today. So let's get back to the point. 

I was getting back home under the rain - so sarcastic, let me laugh, ah.ah. - when my phone rang. I took it and answered, knowing in advenced who it was. 

- You're such an idiot ! Jessica screamed.

I didn't say anything. I just let her screamed at me. And then, I heard a smile sigh in the back. Elizabeth. It broke my heart to hear that. I just couldn't do it. 

- You should be talking to her, Jessica. Not to me. 

I hung up, throwing my phone into my pocket. I was in front of my house by those times. I entered and ran up the stairs to get to my room. I heard Doniya knocking on my door, but I didn't mind. I just wanted to be alone for a bit. She gave up after a couple of minutes, letting me all by myself. I took my headphones and plogged them in my cellphone. I sat on my bed, the music was loud in my ears, I was looking at the dark sky. I spent a lot of time like this. I went back when my mom told me it was time to eat, then a get back in my room. I didn't knew how I was feeling. Sad, for sure. Lonely too, a bit. But probably not as sad and as lonely as Elizabeth. I pulled out my sketchbook and started to draw. That's how I spend the first night. Drawing until Mom told me to close the lights because it was getting late. I did what she said. I closed everything, the sketchbook as well as the lights. I just keep my music. I can't sleep without it, I don't know why. If it was true there, I can tell you it's even more true today. 

Sleeping wasn't that bad, in those times. 

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Short, but it will always be that kind of long for that story ! It's like a journal, every chapter is an entry. I'll post one by day (at least, I'll try my hardest to !) and I hope you'll like it !

R, xx