365 days of Darkness // Z.M.

Day 177

January 15th, 2010

I decided to hide in my room for the whole day that day. Even though that what I had decided, someone had to took me out of it. My nurse almost dragged me out of the dinning room. I ate as fast as I could, just to be able to go back in my bed. I didn't wanted that "Li" guy to come and talk to me. I surely didn't wanted to talk to him, nor anyone else. I was only talking to my psychologist, because he was the one able to bring me home. He was the only one I had to convince that I was better. 

When my plate was empty, I quickly got up and headed to the exit. I don't know why I thought for a moment that my nurse would let me leave like that. 

- Zayn, she said while grabbed my arm for keeping me near her. 

I jerked away quickly, not allowing her ot touch me. I didn't wanted to.

- You need to go see Dr. Jefferson today. 

So she lead me there and I stayed in that room for two hours. At least, while I was there, there was no chance that I would met "Li". We talked about drawing, mostly. He tried to go on the family subject, but I closed my mouth a soon as he mentioned it. I was trying to make effort to go out of there as soon as possible, but I couldn't talked about my family. I wasn't feeling ready and wouldn't ever be. I didn't wanted to talk about them, never. 

Dr. Jefferson let go of me way too soon. I knew by the look in the clock that "Li" was probably somewhere in the center. Because he had left at five in the afternoon the day before, he would probably left at the same hour that day. And it was only three. I was freaking out. 

I walked up to my room, really wanting to stay there for as long as possible. My nurse followed me in silence. What I didn't thought about, was the fact that I had to pass in front of the communitary room to go to mine. I spotted "Li" on one of the couch and I knew he had saw me. He got up pretty quickly and my walking speed went up. 

- Hey ! He said when he finally was in the hallway.

I didn't turned around, I just continued to walk.

- Zayn, my nurse said. I think someone wants to talk to you. 

She made me stopped by putting her hand on my shoulder. The time I jerked away was just enough of it so the guy could joined us. He handed me his hand and I crossed my arms. He didn't reacted bad, he just smiled and I could saw that his eyes were brown. 

- Hi, I'm Liam. Maybe you saw me yesterday in the community room, I was with a girl. And...

I didn't listened to the end of what he wanted to say, I just walked away. I didn't wanted to hear that her friend had "fangirled" over me. Because I had nothing to fangirl about. I was just an empty bottle that wanted to be thrown in the water. And to get lost. 

I got lost when I was back in my room. My arms were red again. I was lost. 

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I kinda like this entry, I don't know why x)