October 3rd, 2009
Week-end. I was waiting for it. The week had been way too long. I stayed in bed for a while, playing to some stupid games on my cellphone. I waited until the front door opened then closed, sign that my Dad had left to go to the garage. I get up and ate a quick breakfast, before going back to my room to change myself. I put some sport clothes on and I my running shoes. I was ready for a good run. I didn't mentioned it, but I was still running a lot. It was probably the only thing that was keeping me from breaking down.
I ran a lot that day. And, everytime I was feeling that I was going slower, I only had to taught about Eli and I was starting again. It was hurting, so damn much. I know, I always say that. But I'm writing this freaking journal to say what I was feeling back to that time. And I was hurt, so I'm writing that. By the way, this is starting to make no sense at all.
I came back home only to took a quick shower, then I was out again. I was walking in the streets that time, up to the retirement house. It was good to be there again. I hadn't much time to go there, since school had started. But I was always going at least once a week. I went upstairs and knocked on the door 231. Mister O'Neill appeared and let me in. I sat on the couch, as he did a few seconds later. We stayed in silence for a bit, it was great to feel that someone was near me.
- So. What do you want to do today ? I asked, giving him a small glance.
- Talking about why you're not sleeping again ?
I blew and pressed my back against the couch a bit more. I closed my eyes and bit my lip. Mister O'Neill always had that thing to figured out when I was feeling pretty bad. He put his hand on my knee and pressed it a bit.
- You know that you can tell me everything Zan, right ?
- You sound like a psychologist. Were you one ?
He laughed and I opened up my eyes to look at him. I wasn't understanding what was so funny about that small sentence.
- I wasn't, he answered, after finishing to laugh. But Jenna was. So I know a bit of the tricks she used.
- I'm not sure the tricks she showed you would work on my really well...
- Why that, Zan ?
I stared in front of me, playing a bit with my fingers.
- Because I'm way too much rolled up on myself. I'm not a big talker, I prefer to listen. And mostly because I don't want to talk about what I'm going through. It hurts way too much to think about that stuff.
- You see ? He said. Her tricks are working.
I looked at him, I wasn't understanding.
- You talked Zan. You let a bit of the stuff that was killing you out.
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365 days of Darkness // Z.M.
FanficI'm Zayn Malik and I'm a looser. Wanna know why ? This is my journal, you may find the answer in it. [Day 1 to 199]