365 days of Darkness // Z.M.

Day 73

October 3rd, 2009

Week-end. I was waiting for it. The week had been way too long. I stayed in bed for a while, playing to some stupid games on my cellphone. I waited until the front door opened then closed, sign that my Dad had left to go to the garage. I get up and ate a quick breakfast, before going back to my room to change myself. I put some sport clothes on and I my running shoes. I was ready for a good run. I didn't mentioned it, but I was still running a lot. It was probably the only thing that was keeping me from breaking down. 

I ran a lot that day. And, everytime I was feeling that I was going slower, I only had to taught about Eli and I was starting again. It was hurting, so damn much. I know, I always say that. But I'm writing this freaking journal to say what I was feeling back to that time. And I was hurt, so I'm writing that. By the way, this is starting to make no sense at all. 

I came back home only to took a quick shower, then I was out again. I was walking in the streets that time, up to the retirement house. It was good to be there again. I hadn't much time to go there, since school had started. But I was always going at least once a week. I went upstairs and knocked on the door 231. Mister O'Neill appeared and let me in. I sat on the couch, as he did a few seconds later. We stayed in silence for a bit, it was great to feel that someone was near me. 

- So. What do you want to do today ? I asked, giving him a small glance.

- Talking about why you're not sleeping again ?

I blew and pressed my back against the couch a bit more. I closed my eyes and bit my lip. Mister O'Neill always had that thing to figured out when I was feeling pretty bad. He put his hand on my knee and pressed it a bit. 

- You know that you can tell me everything Zan, right ?

- You sound like a psychologist. Were you one ?

He laughed and I opened up my eyes to look at him. I wasn't understanding what was so funny about that small sentence. 

- I wasn't, he answered, after finishing to laugh. But Jenna was. So I know a bit of the tricks she used. 

- I'm not sure the tricks she showed you would work on my really well...

- Why that, Zan ?

I stared in front of me, playing a bit with my fingers. 

- Because I'm way too much rolled up on myself. I'm not a big talker, I prefer to listen. And mostly because I don't want to talk about what I'm going through. It hurts way too much to think about that stuff. 

- You see ? He said. Her tricks are working.

I looked at him, I wasn't understanding.

- You talked Zan. You let a bit of the stuff that was killing you out.

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