365 days of Darkness // Z.M.

Day 14

August 5th, 2009

I spent all the day by my own, in my bedroom. There's not a lot of things to say. I drew. I made a lot of drawings that day. I broke a pencil or two, by throwing them in the wall. I wasn't good at all. 

The first drawing of that day was just... a normal thing, if I could say that. It was Eli's face. Nothing more than that. A cheeky smile, with her green eyes, full of kindness. Her hair were curly, because I always loved them that way. But I didn't look like her. Because she had that special thing that you can't put on paper. That is just... In her face and nowhere else.

The second drawing was a bit more... Hard. It just came to my mind and I needed to let it out. All the walls are black. Completely black. The only white spot is around a small silhouette. It's a guy, you can only tell it by his body structure, because we can't see his face. He's got his two arms turned to the sky, with dark rivers on it. Blood rivers. I didn't know why it came to my mind. It just did. I wanted, at that time, to do that. Because my heart was becoming more and more thigh in my chest. I let a tear or two ran over my cheek, finishing their travel on the paper. We can still see them. On the two arms of the guy. How to be ironic.

The last one was the waterfall I went to with Alexis. I even drew the small canoe we came with. It calms me, to do that. Drawing the trees, the small blanket on the ground, the river passing across the paper. I looked at it for a bit, trying to stay calm. I changed the playlist on my radio by the one I made for Doniya. It was "Songs that can pass on the radio". So, all that kind of things to make you move. Changing my mind for a bit.

It was about 11PM, when I heard someone knocking at my door. I was in my bed, looking at the ceiling, my music playing in my hears. I put the volume up, I didn't wanted to talk to anybody. But I think Doniya really wanted to talk to me. 

"Zayn... Please, at least, answer my text."

Delete.

"It's not even funny. Everyone is worried."

Delete.

"Safaa don't want to go to her bed."

Delete.

"She's in front of your door Zayn."

Hesitation. Delete.

"She's crying..."

I couldn't delete that one. I couldn't let Safaa crying all night in front of my door. So I finally send a text to Doniya.

"Go to your room, I'll take care of her."

I wanted a couple of seconds, then I get off my bed and walked up to the door. I opened it and I saw Safaa. She looked at my with her big wet eyes. She said nothing, she just get up. And put her arms around my waist. 

- Can I sleep with you... ? She asked with her low voice.

I nodded and made her follow me in my room. Until I took her in my arms to settle her on the mattress. I laid next to her, and she put her head on my chest. 

- I love you Zayn.

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So, what are you thinking about ? I didn't know what to do, for that day... So I improvised ! Is it good or not ?