365 days of Darkness // Z.M.

Day 198

February 5th, 2010

I spent most of that day reading Twilight. The book was even more shitty than the movie, but I liked to see which quotes were my sisters' favorite. I was half-way through the book when I saw Liam in a corner of the room, alone again. I was seriously finding this hard to understand. Why wasn't Alyna with him ? So I stood up and, taking the book with me, walked up to sat in front of him. He looked up and looked tiredly at me. His big brown eyes weren't shining like usually. For once, he was looking like all of us in there. Sad and broken. 

- Hey, how are you doing ? I asked him, looking up to his face.

- Oh, euh, hey. I'm good, you ?

- Good too. You're not with that girl anymore, Alyna, am I right ? Is she out ?

- She euh... Yeah, kind of.

He looked down to the table and his eyes were full of tears. I surely had said something wrong. I was able to feel it by the way he was standing, his head almost between his shoulder. 

- Euh, k'... I will just... Leave you alone than...

I got back to my feet and, I didn't even made a step that he stopped me.

- Hey, Zayn, I'm... I'm sorry. It's just that she... She passed out two days ago. 

I made the face of "why the hell did I start to talk about that" before sitting back down. Liam was looking down to the table, wiping his eyes a few times. He didn't waited for me to ask questions that he already had started to speak. 

- She was suffering from depression. Quite a serious thing. They forgot to check on her that night and, in the morning, it was over. 

He stopped talking for a moment, looking right into my eyes. His weren't wet anymore, just sad. I understood why he was stronger than all of us in there. He was talking when he wasn't feeling well. He wasn't keeping it all to himself. That was surely helping a lot. 

- She was brilliant, you know ? A lot. She could have do big things. But she decided that it was all over for her. She used her cleverness to find all the stuff she needed to end her life. I know she was sick, and tired of this. I don't understand why people do that, you know ?

I nodded and, surprising myself while doing it, I pressed gently his shoulder. He smiled at me, weakly. I knew he had no one else to talk about that to. So I was listening, until I realized that he wouldn't talk anymore. 

- I know why she did that. She was feeling alone, even with people. She was finding that her life didn't had any goal. She was probably just tired of all this bullshit. She wanted to find if it was better somewhere else. 

- You tried too, euh ? He asked.

I only put my arms on the table and he understood. 

----

I like this entry, I don't even know why ! I love Liam, seriously... Omg.