365 days of Darkness // Z.M.

Day 9

July 31th, 2009

I remember waking up that morning. I completely froze. Alexis was sleeping, her head on my chest. She was as naked as I was. "Good job, Zayn..." I didn't had a big memory of the night before, but just enough to know what I did. I needed to go. I had my first time with a girl I almost didn't knew. I always told myself that Eli would be my first. I felt weird. Eli... I haven't taught about her, yesterday. I just... Lost control. I felt alone, I think. I looked at the sky, totally blue, without a cloud I tried to get up without waking up Alexis. I failed. 

- Hi... She whispered, in a low tone.

- Euh... Hi ? I said, shy.

- Don't worry, I won't tell anyone if you don't want to...

The thing was... I wished I could only turn back time. I didn't wanted to sleep with her. I wanted Elizabeth. It made me froze again. And I wanted to cry. So I closed my eyes and tried to breath normally. 

- Was it your first time Zayn ? She asked, slowly.

I didn't answered. 

- I'm sorry, Zayn.

I stayed silent. 

- You regret, didn't you ?

I shook my head. No, I wasn't. It had been great.

- i wanted it, I said.

- But... ?

- I miss Eli...

I started to cry like that. The tears I was holding for more than a week went on my cheeks, making me look like a little child. But I couldn't stopped. I needed to let it all out. 

- She's your girlfriend ?

- Not anymore...

This made me cry even harder. What did I do ? I was loving her, and I let her go, like the idiot a was. I get up and walked up to my clothes, that I put on. 

- Zayn... She said, getting dressed too.

- Can we just... Don't talk about that ?

She nodded and I put my cap on, the shadow hiding my teary eyes. Alexis went in the canoe and I followed her. In a complete silence. I was just paddling and crying. 

When I get back to the tent, my mom screamed. I just looked down, biting my lip. She did like every mother would do in the same situation : She told me that I should have at least called, that I should go out with a complete stranger and all those kind of things. I nodded, I knew she was right. And I wanted to cry again. 

- Mom, stop... Doniya said when she walked by. 

She grabbed my hand and made me follow her until we were on the beach. She then hold me in her arms. And I break down again.

- It's going to be OK, Zayn... She whispered in my hear. It's going to be OK...

I cried a lot that day. I think I was missing Eli way too much.

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What are you thinking ? Is it great or not ?