365 days of Darkness // Z.M.

Day 136

December 5th, 2009

When I woke up that morning, I realized that I haven't saw Mister O'Neill for ages. I was always busy, either crying over my life or taking care of my sisters. I really needed to think about nothing that day, so I went to the retirement house. It was cold outside, but the snow that felt the day before was almost all melted. 

When I entered the building, the lady behind the office smiled to me. She seemed pretty happy that I was back there. 

- Hey, Zayn ! It's been a long time. Mister O'Neill was missing you.

- Yeah, I had some... Stuff to deal with.

- He's in the common room.

I nodded and walked up to that room, looking for him as I entered. He saw me first and started to wave at me. He was sitting all alone in front of a TV, which was playing an old black and white movie. 

- It's been a while... He told me.

He looked so sad as he said that, I felt bad. I didn't even take an afternoon in like... A couple of weeks to come down here and talk to that old man. 

- I'm sorry, it's just... Complicated right now...

I looked down and started to play with the long sleeves of my sweater, I wasn't even able to look at him. I was just a jerk, I had knew that for so long. But just, hearing what he said next, made me feel like one, more than ever.

- That's okay Zan. Everyone has better things to do than to stay with an old man like me every day. 

I turned to him, to see that he was staring at the screen. 

- That's not okay. I said that I would come often to see you and I didn't. I was so busy being the big bro everyone needs, the jerk everyone laughs at, the strong son for a mother... It's just...

I bit my lips, because this was getting too emotional, too personal. I hadn't thought that coming here would lead to this. Like... A kind of heart to heart talk with that old man that helped me more than he thought he did. 

- You're a teenager Zan. It's just normal that you have stuff to do. 

- Can we just... Forget about that ? I'm sorry, I really am. 

I turned to me and I saw the shadow of a smile on his lips. It was kind of sad to see that, because it wasn't a happy smile. More something that looked hurtful. I felt even worst after that. 

We spent the rest of the afternoon talking about almost nothing, he didn't opened his mouth more than once or twice. That's only when I realized that I wasn't the only one needing help. He seemed to need some too, he had probably been more hurt than me in my entire life. I had just never realized before because I'm a stupid jerk. 

----

This entry is shit, I'm still sick and tired as hell... I really tried my hardest to gave you something good but I don't think that this is...