365 days of Darkness // Z.M.

Day 98

October 28th, 2009

I went to school and heard people laughing behind me. They were talking about what Derek did the day before and how I escaped it. That I was just a looser because I didn't punched him back. I did like I didn't cared but deep down in my chest, it hurt. And not only a bit. As I was walking up to the hospital after eating a small snack, I tried to put it behind me, at least for a couple of hours. Safaa was deserving my smile, not my angry face. 

My Mom wasn't there as I entered the room but I didn't needed her to know that it had been a bad day.  It was written on my sister's face. She had purple marks under her eyes, she was holding a teddy bear in her arms and there was traces of tears on her cheeks. She didn't even smiled when I came in. It had been a very, very bad day. I walked up to her bed and sat next to her. Even tired like that, she was beautiful.

- How are you doing ? I asked her, my eyes never leaving her face.

- Bad...

Her voice was so slow and low, I wasn't sure she had spoke at first. I put my arms around her waist, kissing her forehead. Seeing her like that, it was a real heart breaker.

- Is it because of your new treatment ?

She had started it the day before, it was some new medication that could gave her a couple of months. But if it was making her feel that bad, I was preferring  her to live less longer but happier. 

- I don't know...

He shoulder went up and down before she laid her herself on me. She was staring at some point far away and it broke my heart to see her like that. My Mom came back in the room with a bag of chips in her hands. Her eyes were red and I knew she had left not only to buy a snack. She gave me a tired smile and brought a chair next to the bed to sit on it. Safaa's eyes were closing slowly and her head was heavier on my chest. I laid down so she could be more comfortable. My Mom was looking at me and I grabbed her hand in mine. She hold my fingers pretty tight, she was really trying hard not to cry again. I could saw the pain in her eyes. She wiped them a couple of times, looking away from me because she didn't wanted me to saw that she was crying. I can tell you that seeing your Mom crying is really one of the most hurtful thing in the whole world. When she gave me a small glance, I saw that it was breaking her so much to go through that all alone. I hated my Dad for being away. I really hated him a lot for doing this to my Mom and to Safaa. 

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