365 days of Darkness // Z.M.

Day 195

February 2nd, 2010

I remember that day like the one I got my pencils back. I was so damn happy, because I had missed drawing so much. I could still do it, but I needed to be under watching and stuff and that was getting on my nerves. It was the director himself who went to knock on my door in the morning.

- Dr. Jefferson told me you were ready to be a little bit more free.

That was what he said, handing me some pencils before going away. So I was pretty happy when, that afternoon, I closed the door behind me and just sat at my desk. I looked at my paper for a long while before starting to draw. 

It was something new to me to draw that face. I didn't remembered if I had already did it. I was in such bad terms with her, before... Waliyha's face was taking place, slowly. I drew her a smile, because it was the way I wanted her to be. Smiling and living her life fully. 

I spent a couple of hours on the drawing, wanting to make it perfect. Once it was done, it was almost time for me to go eat something. But I just wanted to do something else before. I grabbed an other sheet of paper and ink started to color the paper once again. 

"Hey, Waliyha...

I don't know why I'm writing to you once again, I just... I just wanted to know if everything was okay, back home. I hope it is. 

I got my pencil back today. I think that it's a good sign, I should be home soon. 

I miss you, you know ? I realized I missed you a lot when I started to draw this. Yeah, don't be so surprised ! You're my little sister, I love you even if you're being an asshole to me sometimes.

Just kidding, I love you. Take care, okay ? Until I can do it myself. 

Tell Mom and Doniya that I love them do, okay ?

Zayn xx"

I searched from some envelope under the desk, which I found quite easily. I don't know why they put these under the desk, maybe it was a trick to help me to get better. Those people in there were weird. I put the drawing in the envelope too and it was ready to be posted. 

I spent the rest of my day drawing, not really something particular. There was a bunch of the camping landscape. Most of them, actually. Okay, only one of them wasn't that. And it was a drawing of Alexis. I wanted to stab myself, seriously. I was thinking way too much about her. But I couldn't to otherwise, she was always in my mind. 

She was the one making my heart beat faster. I wasn't sure it was a good thing for me, in that time. But... Hell, I couldn't stopped it. I wasn't even sure that I wanted it to stop. 

The only I wanted was her. 

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The end is shitty, I'm so sorry but my parents are calling me to go eat for like ten minutes now x) Love you all !