365 days of Darkness // Z.M.

Day 179

January 17th, 2010

- How are you feeling today Zayn ?

I shrugged not so sure how I was feeling. Certainly not good but… I couldn’t have told him that. If I wanted to go back home and finished what I had started… I needed to at least pretend that I was a bit getting better.

- Less bad than the last time, I answered with honesty.

- That’s a good thing.

I wasn’t sure it was. I didn’t wanted to get better. I was good with my pain, it was a part of me. A part that was making me wanting to die, but still. I didn’t wanted it to go, I was nothing without it.

- What did you do yesterday ?

- I stayed in my room and a guy went to talk to me.

- A guy ? An other patient from here ?

I shook my head, almost sure he wasn’t. No, Liam wasn’t from here. He had way too much joy coming from him, his eyes weren’t broken as mine. And he wasn’t from the staff because he wasn’t dressed like them.

- What’s his name ?

- Liam I don't know what.

- Oh, you met Liam ?

A smile made his way thought his face. I didn't knew who that Liam guy was, but I could already tell that Dr. Jefferson was liking him a lot. 

- Who is he ? I asked, before crossing my arms on my chest. 

- He's my sister's son. Quite a nice guy, he doing volunteering in there to help us. He went to talk to you or you did ?

I looked up to the sky and blew. Was he seriously thinking that I would have went to talk to someone by my own back then ? He started to laugh and small riddles made their way up to the corner of his eyes. 

- Of course, he did ! Why would you talk to someone, anyway ?

I made a shy smile before looking down to my feet. That was how we spent all the rest of the session, talking about random stuff I had did since I was there. The before was still not on the subjects and I couldn't be anything but glad. Talking about all of that stuff was way too hard, back then. 

Dr. Jefferson let go of me after the two hours and he walked me to the door. I was almost out of the room, my nurse waiting for me, standing right next to the door. I was sure she had been listening to whole thing, she would certainly be able to do that. 

- Let someone break the carapace you build. Let someone help you Zayn. 

I smiled awkwardly and walked away. I always knew that psychologists were a bit weird, trying to help way too much, but Dr. Jefferson... He was something else. The way his eyes had to stair at you like he could read your mind, you spirit... It was definitely something I wasn't expecting from anyone in that moment. 

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I don't like that entry, but I don't have much time to spend on it... So, sorry all, just remember that I love you !