365 days of Darkness // Z.M.

Day 41

September 1st, 2009

It was a bad day. Really. It started at the first class, when I saw that I was still with Elizabeth. I was with her everywhere. In every class, she was there. Most of the time with Derek. Just as in math, the class I was that morning. I was in the last row, staring at the board but seeing absolutely nothing. It was all blank, nothing at all. I didn't wanted to see anything neither. I just wanted the pain to go away. Because, yeah, it was hurtful to see Eli, even though it was all my fault. 

It was almost the end of the period, when I saw something on the corner of my eyes. Eli, in the front row, laughing at something Derek had said. I took a small piece of paper and threw it at the blond guy. Then I stared again at the board. He never knew it was me. No one ever knew. But I just had to do it. Or I would have done something even worst at the end of the class. I knew it. 

When lunch time arrived, I went into the cafeteria. To see all those groups, laughing and being happy. And I was standing there, all alone. And it hurt. So I quickly picked something to eat and went back to my locker. I opened it and sat on the shelf that was in the bottom of the locker. I ate my sandwich, my headphones playing some music. I was just... Alone. I tried to control the pain in my chest but, at some point, it just wanted to go out. So I changed my playlist, to the one Doniyha made for my bad days. Her favorite songs. Joyful songs. Not my type at all. But it was that or crying. So I preferred to listen to some songs I don't like. 

The rest of the day was boring. I was alone, so nothing really happened. The teachers were explaining how the class would work and I was looking up to the ceiling to avoid staring at Eli. I didn't went back home that day. Not just after school. I walked up to the retirement house, I wanted to see Mister O'Neill. He was always able to make me laugh a bit, because he's a cool man. He's funny. And he's just being himself, which was nice. I almost ran upstairs, because I didn't wanted to be alone more longer. I knocked a couple of times before he answered. He seemed all happy to see me, just as I was. We sat on the couch and he made me talked about my day.

- You really want me to talk about... school ?

- Oh, yeah, that's true ! School is starting back !

- Yeah...

- You don't like school ?

- Not really.

- Why ?

- I'm not really good. Except in art class, but that doesn't count. 

- Of course, it counts. Everything counts, Zan. You probably don't see things like that, because you're a young boy, but I can tell you. Everything you're good at, everything you love, everything that makes you happy... It does count Zan.

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I didn't really knew how to finished it, so I just put a nice little speech from Mister O'Neill ! I hope you liked it ! 

** There probably won't be an entry tomorrow, I'll do two the day after !