✔️Compulsive (Carlisle Cullen)

twenty three

Quinn felt herself tense, and her heart hammered rhythmically in her chest. Beating beautifully and for the first time in a long time, she was glad that it did. Because the beating of her heart assured her that this was all real, it gave her the opportunity to love and be loved by Carlisle Cullen. Here he was, her opinion of a perfect specimen of man, pledging to love her eternally and all she had to do was accept, to trust in the love. At that moment, Quinn was as giddy as a schoolgirl because her age, his age, their pasts, his immortality... None of it mattered for a long moment. Those worries could come later.

"Carlisle" she only noticed him relax then, not realising that he had ever even been tense. He was waiting for her reply and her world was crushing down on her because everything relied on this one moment, he had been waiting three hundred years for her. "I've never been handed a good hand in life... This isn't me trying to make everything about me. On the contrary, I am going to be selfless with you Carlisle, because you deserve that much. I'm going to be transparent because you at least deserve to know who you are choosing to love forever. My mother was a doctor... Maybe there is some symbolism in all of this that I can't see. The first person I ever loved... And the person I intend to love forever. Doctors.

My father left when I was a child. My mother fell in love. It's an entire story that I know you have heard by now. Jensen was a monster, and because of the standard he set... I could never see you as a monster, Carlisle. Even if you are a vampire. So that, is at least one worry you can set aside. Jensen Hargreaves was a sadist who took from me, whatever the hell he desired. He destroyed me Carlisle because I look in the mirror and I tell this story and somehow, I find myself being disgusted... By me. You were right in the fact that I cannot love myself right now... So how am I supposed to love somebody else? But I'm going to try because I feel so close to you. I feel as if you are everything. And the thought of ever denying you... is heartbreaking. It doesn't matter that I am barely eighteen Carlisle, because I believe my experiences have aged me.

The very first time I met you, my first thought was how mesmerised I was by you... And then the second was how completely different you are from Jensen. You are polar opposites. You're everything that he is not... And maybe that is why I find this whole 'forever love' thing so easy to accept. I can't promise you much Carlisle, I can't promise that it's all going to be easy, or come without problems. I can't promise that you will have me forever, because, I'm human. I can't promise that I can give you all that I am, because... I'm not ready for that. I can't promise to love you, because until I come to love myself, I don't know how to love someone else... But I promise to try, I promise that I am attracted to you. That there is some kind of supernatural connection here in return to your own attraction. I promise to try and learn how to love Carlisle... With you... If you will accept that... Accept me... A work in progress."

It was all out now, in the open. They finally knew how one another felt and how they were connected to one another.

"Quinn, I'll love you in whatever way you come." he assured and she couldn't help the smile that fell upon her face because the leftover sadness she had was slowly ebbing away with every moment they spoke. Quinn, acting completely on instinct, stood up and his beautiful golden eyes watched her curiously as she walked toward him, his eyes never leaving her beautiful blues. He didn't move even an inch as she came into arms reach, Carlisle could be a very patient man and so when her hands came up to his face, all he did was sigh and relax into her warm hands.

Quinn's hands were small and soft, delicate as they caressed the contours of his skin, watching in fascination as his eyes fluttered closed, long eyelashes fanning out. He was the most handsome man she had ever seen. Tilting his head back to look up at her, his eyes flashed open again, holding her gaze as her hands stayed on his cheeks. Her powder blue eyes flickered down to his lips and back to his eyes again and he smiled softly, nodding softly. Still, Carlisle did not move an inch because she was in control here and from the steady beat of her heart, he knew that she didn't fear this.... This control.

Softly, their lips finally met and it was slow and steady. They were going to love one another in slow motion because inevitably, they had eternity. Her lips moved softly and his followed in a beautifully stunning dance. It was her first consensual kiss and she was instantly addicted. She stood carefully between his legs where he sat on the arm chair and softly, she moved to sit on his lap, pulling back from his kiss to breath and he stared at her with blazing eyes. He was itching to touch her, but resisted because Carlisle Cullen knew what she needed.

Quinn took his hand softly from the arm rest, lifting it to her cheek and holding it there, his thumb softly trailed over her smooth flesh. It was this gentle affection that Quinn O'Connell had always missed out on, it was this that she desired most and he watched her with so much passion in his eyes, she felt a spark of confidence. His loving gaze made her feel beautiful.